Doing some way-too-early in the morning to be awake surfing here and again, your words just stopped me...
Quote:
think this shows the whole picture. I'm not in this position solely because of the marriage tanking. I'm stuck here because of lifelong coping skills which don't promote growth. Getting stuck, frozen in inaction, needing others to define my self worth all work against me.
So, I keep what works for me with DB. If working some of the relationship techniques puts me in a stuck position, it's not the time to do them. I have to work on me.
If I improve who I am, everything else follows. The better I am, the better every relationship in my life will be. My marriage failed. It failed because of how each of us approached it. Can it be saved? I don't know and am not going to focus on that. Can it be resurrected if I hold onto what doesn't work? Can I change his point of view? Nope to both.
All I can do is improve. Let go of the crap.
Work on what works. Let the chips fall where they may
My God, this can't be your life, because it's absolutely and totally my life , my almost 50 years "how the h*ll did I wind up here" life. Which, for as smart as (rationally) I know I am, I feel so dense in still feeling 'stuck' so much of the time.
, my almost 50 years "how the h*ll did I wind up here" life. Which, for as smart as (rationally) I know I am, I feel so dense in still feeling 'stuck' so much of the time. 
