Withdrawal of OM and coping

[sandi2]

So are you saying that it makes you feel better for the "WW" to go around with a label on her sweater? Had you prefer she wear a scarlet "A"?

I understand what you are saying and don't want to make a debate about it, but I don't understand why some husbands insist on referring to their W's as their wayward wife unless it is b/c he has not truly forgiven her and wants to keep that sign up there. Perhaps it's just me that has the problem with it. And, yes I did mean it in the Biblical sense that we are all sinners and imperfect. What might be your area of strength might be my area of weakness and what may be my strength could be your weakness, but we all have that area of weakness somewhere.

Just because my sin might be a chocolate martini once in awhile doesn't put me at the same level as a murderer.

That was a little off balance in comparison. What if I said that I committed an EA but you committed murder? Then that would kind of put your sin up higher on the ladder wouldn't it?

Also, just because we are "all sinners" shouldn't relieve anyone of guilt. Guilt is useful. It's what reminds us what we shouldn't do.

Not being referred to as a wayward wife does not relieve us of guilt. I don't understand your reasoning of guilt being "useful". We learn from mistakes and guilt does make us feel remose and leads us to repentance, but once forgiveness is given by God, the betrayed spouse, and self, then don't you think life should go on without the constant reminder of the offense? How could there be healing if you continue to label the S as a WW?

Well, like I said, maybe that is just my view point on it. I haven't heard anyone else say anything about it. It really isn't worth debating except that there may be some newcomers that are trying to overcome their "waywardness" and are sensitive about being placed in that category. And perhaps it is b/c I have noticed more men using the "wayward" expression than the women......(again I wonder if it is a double standard), but it doesn't mean that they don't, it just means I haven't read all of them.

For the record, I know that I was a WW by having an EA. I never met the man in real life (so to speak).....it was all over the Internet. I will never forget what I've done and how much I wished I could go back in time and erase that chapter. It took a long time for me to even feel remorseful and repentant about it b/c of my H's self-righteousness.....but as I am crying even as I am writing this, I can assure you that I do. My H had a huge part in the breakdown of our M, but I was the WW, so that makes my sin much greater than his. Still, it is like pouring salt in the wound to be referred as the WW. If it is to be useful in keeping the "guilt" instilled, then I suppose it works.