H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

[happycamper]

What is it with spouses who have had affairs? They are like rumbling volcanos, ready to blow...

H came home last night from w/e away working (some work, some play) and was tired and grumpy. When will I learn, tired and grumpy = avoid like the plague. Somehow we got into a conversation about me being sad about my sex-life disappearing, which is something I am grieving for. I threw out the line 'someone has taken my sexuality away' and then BAM! defensive H appears. Anything that smacks of blame to him and he blows! It always follows the same pattern...

1) We're talking about our current situation quite happily

2) I say something H interprets as me blaming him

3) H starts saying the reason we are splitting up is down to things like my appearance - all the reasons he gave me for being unhappy before he told me he had been unfaithful to me for most of our marriage.

Let me state one thing for the record here - now I am a size uk 8 (us 6 I think) and before I lost weight due to stress I was a 12 (10). I wear make-up most days, I am the best dressed full-time mum on our estate, I'm not ugly. He basically wants some tiny, silicone enhanced, adoring 18 year old.

As long as I avoid getting angry with him, or sad with him, or basically showing any emotion at all about what he has done, I'm ok. Great.