Well, the ball is in your court right now. Lay down some parameters of what it would take for you to reconsider. It doesn't sound like you have anything to loose--you don't want her in her current state, anyway. If she decides that she does want back in, she will try to follow your course. If she doesn't, then you are right about her and loose nothing.
What would she have to do?
Commit to x # of IC sessions? Severe all contact with OM, and be willing to show proof of that (telling you where she is, having open cell phone bills, etc). MarriageBuilders goes so far as to recommend that partners recovering from an affair move away from the "addiction," the OM. What else would she have to do? How long would she have to sustain those changes / behaviors?
Who knows? If she is really committed, you might just end up with the W who you always wanted.....if we were so willing to change and grow, then they may be, also. Lay it all out, stand back and watch....
ps--God doesn't want you in a marriage that will only lead back to the mess that it became...He wants to see the vows you both took fulfilled. She has to be willing to accept and live those vows. Her adultery freed you from the vows you took with her. She is the one who has to prove herself.
