We were together for 13yrs; Dated for 8yrs, married for 5yrs. She dropped the bomb 3 weeks before Christmas of 2005. She called me at work, and indicated that she was going to leave me. At first, I wasn't sure what she had meant. I thought she said she was going to her moms or something of that nature.... I know that she was upset about the previous night when we had a fight about our childrens sleeping patterns....but I didn't understand what she had seid until she said it a third time. Of course I was shocked. I quickly said, wait a minute, I will be right there, don't go anywhere, let's talk about it. She said, if I don't get there in about 30 minutes or so, that she was going to leave.
I arrived, and I saw her at the kitchen washing the dishes ( That is an image I will never forget......) I arrived and I said what was going on...she replied that she wanted a divorce....I was shocked. This is someone that I knew that would always tell me that she would never divorce me, and if I would ever leave her, that she would just die. I pleaded, cried out of shock, you name it I did it at that moment. I asked her to sit down. We talked for a while, and eventually after begging, she indicated that she would give me another chance, but she felt that she would regret it.
Keep in mind that it was 3 weeks before Christmas....I was still in shock. I did not know what to do other than buy her gifts, say that I was sorry various times....mainly say and do things anyone would say and do after hearing your best friend / lover / mother of your children / wife say that she wants a divorce.
I had gut feeling that she might have been seeing someone for sometime. On our fourth year of marriage, I came across an e-mail from a ryan asking her to go out to a bar for a drink. When I had confronted her about this, she became very defensive about it, saying that I was spying on her....etc. I even came across an e-mail of her friends asking her if she was going to go, and even cheering her on to go out with the guy....
On December 30th, she left to go out with her sister. She indicated that she was going to be at her moms with her sister and such.... I called her from work that day...just to find out how she was doing....Her cell phone doesn't pick up....I call her mothers house. Her mother picks up and indicates that she had gone out with her sister to see NEMO on ICE. Then her mother said, "Oh, you didn't kknow, then she hangs up." ( I admit know that I over reacted, but I was still in shock of hearing DIVORCE ). So I got very angry at her, I called and left a message on her cell phone. She eventually calls back. I asked where she was at. She replied with my sister at my moms. I tell her that her mother told me she was out to see NEMO on ICE. She then admits....yes I am. That was it for me. lies, after lies, after lies....I was very upset, so I called the police on her...
After the police incident, she didn't come back. She filed on January 4th of 2006. I was served on January 11th.
I was devestated. I tried every thing I shouldn't have...I begged, cried, pleaded, promised...etc.
I looked up marriage counceling, divorcecare counceling. I picked up a book of Divorce Busting, and Divorce Rememdy.
During marriage counceling I have learned many things that I contributed for the marriage to fail. In DivorceCare group, I learned to cope with the divorce, and the outcomes of what to expect with the divorce.
The Divorce Busting, and Divorce Rememdy Books really helped me come up with a goal. I came to understand her perspective and what I was doing wrong......Well after 2yrs of Divorce Busting, we eventually ended up divorcing. Our divorce was final this month 06/08.
During the whole time, I really made some progress. She talks to me more on the phone. We talk like friends.
During the whole time, I GAL, I work out 4 times a week, I cleaned up my expenses, I became a better father to our 2 little girls. I started seeing our situation with a new set of eyes. Even after 2yrs of separation / divorce......I focused on me, not trying to get laid, a rebound relationship....just trying to get myself centered.
She tells me that she doen't have anyone else, but I still have this wierd feeling that she does.
I finally got the courage, to post my own thread...even after reading many others...
Mainly I need Help. Should I keeping trying...or should I throw in the towel. What should I do at this point? Please Advise.
