Tonight my sister-in-law called, inviting me and the kids to a BBQ over the 4th of July weekend. The whole family will be there. She hadn't asked spouse who only talks about how wonderful his girlfriend is. She asked me not to tell him or have the kids mention it. I wasn't comfortable having the kids feel pressured that it's a 'secret'. Spouse is very good at intimidating others. In the end she agreed to what I needed. I've had my fill of secrets.
She told me that her family will always consider me part of their family, that I am the one raising and parenting the kids.
So much of this time has been spent in self doubt, feeling like what I do accomplish isn't enough. As I talked to her, I was open about not wanting to get caught in secrecy.. either for me or my kids. What I do, we do is our own business, but I'm not going to restrict the kids from saying things to their dad.
It was then I realized I've changed.
I knew what I wanted, needed. I was open about it and communicated my concerns. I didn't worry about being rejected, found lacking.. anything.
It was a great feeling to address an issue and feel comfortable about it.
I'm carrying this new found awareness with me as I move forward.
Neat.
*hugs*
PS.. Moving to "Separated" is also a way of accepting where I am. Maybe it's feeling tired(?) or being in the present. Work on me, the rest follows.
