Donna, don't even try to figure out anything. Just relax and have fun. If you want to be friends with this man then I'd say have some fun but also make everything clear for yourself and him.
I was not excited, not even in driving over to the small restaurant where we met for dessert. There were no butterflies, before or during. He was nice enough, but there was no spark. He talked a lot about his baseball card collection. He lives with his brother, has never been married and no kids. I could tell during the evening that he was much more into me than I him. I have to contact him to let him know that I don't see it going anywhere.
Dumb question--what is the best way to do that? Email, phone (ick)...? Anyone have an idea of what to say?
I feel like I'm too old to be learning how to date--really never had to navigate these waters, being with x my whole adult life.
It seems like too much work, trying to find time in my schedule so it doesn't impact my time with the kids...
I really, really liked being married. This sucks. Not the way things are supposed to be at this stage of my life...
I miss the companionship, the partnership, the friendship, the contact....and don't really see where there is time to develop that, start all over again. I don't want to start all over again. And there are no prospects currently in my life, so I would have to work at finding a potential mate. I don't have a lot of confidence that I would be approached first (x is the only person in my life who approached me romantically--there have been 3 or 4 others who showed interest, but only after I had indicated that I was interested first). The pickings seem extremely slim out there.
I guess all that means that I'm not really ready. All I can say is bleh.
Back to my life that is very full, and good. Kids, family, career, house, church, learning about myself, my art, daily living. But no love life; I don't see that vacancy closing anytime soon.
I just wrote a response to whatisis about his "secret to surviving": get out and do it, even when you don't feel like it. I should have read it last night, as I spent/wasted most of the day Saturday on the computer and in front of the tv--didn't clean and organize, get homework done so I didn't have to do it when the kids were around, didn't make phone calls to friends, didn't work in the yard, didn't go to see the fireworks show last night, and stayed up way too late, making me miss church this morning and a meet-up with a friend.
Ugh, it would have been better to get up. Now, I have a major headache that I am trying to kick so I CAN salvage what is left of the weekend!!
I guess I am adjusting to those times when I'm not accountable to anyone but myself--I have to resist the urge to be lazy or indulge in a pity-party and be the grown-up. I wasn't even feeling particularly down this weekend, just uninspired...
You know, Donna I think that was pretty d@mn cool that you went on a blind date. It's a step to getting a feel for things and perhaps sensing where you are at.
As for the other stuff, we don't always have to be something. We need those down times of just getting the necessities of life out of the way. For instance, I read here and epilate at the same time. LOL!
Well, it did give me a sense of where I am at. Not into that guy, at least. He emailed me tonight. I really have to get back to him by tomorrow morning; hope an email is not too lame / bad manners. What are the thoughts on this?
Trip...don't have to always be DOING something...? I think I get what you mean. But I really hibernated this weekend; it can't become a habit.
The kids don't have summer school this week (I'm already off with what day it is--vacation mode!) So, we will have the week to be together, for the most part. S has a boy scout meeting Mon, they eat with x on Wed, then they are mine until the next Wed night I'm making plans to have a great week with them.
Instincts can be right on but I know of one situation where a person decided to give the guy a second look. The second look led to the beginning of a very good relationship, still going strong.
This advice allowed me to take a second look at my first post D attempted "relationships." Although it did not go very far, I learned a lot and we became good friends. What I learned from this experience helped me greatly in the next exploration of a R. Though the second experience resulted in my determining that this second lady was not a match, it too was very helpful in helping me to know what is NOT a match for me in the future.
As for actually saying "thanks but no thanks:" In my first situation, we were talking over the phone and she spoke saying, "I just feel comfortable as friends." I respected her feelings and stopped the "courting" process and severly scaled back our communication outside of the social context at church.
The second situation was more complicated and we were talking on the phone and really not on the same page at all. I pretty much thought we came to the same conclusion, "that we were not a good fit." Afterwards, she seemed to want to continue the relationship but I knew we should not and indicated so over the phone and in that conversation she needed to end the abruptly. I communicated back via text after the convesation ended. The next morning she replied that she would not contact me any more. (20 years earlier, we had a 2 year relationship and I felt it would not be good to continue as friends while seeking to one day marry another woman).
So, that's one perspective. I wish you well
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Thanks, C2H. I think I should be ok via email, since that was how we "met." More traditional introductions would probably be better handled by phone or (ack) in person.
This is what I sent. I might have offered to develop a friendship, if he had lived closer.
Quote:
P-
I wanted to thank you for dessert on Friday; I enjoyed meeting you very much. I thought about our date a lot over the weekend...
I am sorry if I disappoint, but I could see us becoming friends, rather than more. I know that is not what either of us really wanted, and I don't want to waste your time. It was simply a chemistry thing; nothing you did or didn't do. You are a very nice man, and I am sure that your love awaits you--she will be very lucky.
Sincerely, Donna
Reasons I didn't go for a second look:
He had a lazy eye that didn't show in the pic. He was much more out of shape than his pic showed. He seemed immature in interpersonal skills (watched the Yankee game over my shoulder for most of the date, spent at least an hour talking about his baseball card collection, asked me very few questions). When trying to connect about my job, he said he took art in high school twice--because it wasn't a "real" class (um, this is my career; do you think I share that view?!) He didn't have any kind of edge...is it possible to be too nice? That is something I really have to think about, for myself. I know that I am attracted to some things that might lead to trouble down the road (an ACOA issue)...........
I wonder if he would have liked the "insider's" reasons (probably not--I think I'm unique in that I would welcome someone sharing their impressions of me, even if it wasn't favorable!!)
I'm making plans to have a great week with them.