LRT when there's INFIDELITY---- from Michele

[mrz99]

Not real sure how things work here. Not sure if this is the right place to make a post or comment.

My wife informed me about her desire to divorce on May 1st of this year. She let me know at the same time that she had met someone else and that our marriage was over and there was absolutely nothing that I could do to stop the process. She ending up continuing to stay at the house until June 10th when she moved into her own apartment. Overall, our interaction from May to current has been ok considering the amount of tension in the air. However, if any mention is made of our relationship or the OM, then things turn sour quickly. She gets that far away look at first and if I press it will turn to anger. We are real careful to discuss nothing in front of the kids; but, they are already lining up in someways behind either my wife or me. My oldest daughter (20) is extremelly upset with her mother and they are barely on speaking terms. Interesting considering they used to consider each other best friends. My wife's reaction is simply that she will get over it and this really has nothing to do with her anyway. The two younger kids (15 and 17) have strong feelings about the OM, but otherwise have been ok in dealing with both of us.

I know that this is rambling, but so be it. I did read the Divorce Remedy book and that has helped me with how I have interacted and reacted with my wife. I am far from perfect and have made many mistakes. For the longest time, I could not keep my mouth shut and I continuely tried to convince the wife of the foolishness of her affair and the negative impact that this was all having on the kids. I know this pushing led to her finally deciding to move out. I think the moving out was inevitable, but the pushing that I did sped up the process. Even after moving out, I had a couple of bad days and pushed her into meetings where I continued to push. After all of this, I think that it has finally sunk in that this is disasterous behavior on my part. For the last week, I kept my mouth shut and made no contact with her (my week for the kids). Suprisingly, she has called several times since Wednesday to see how things have been going. Prior to Wednesday, there was no way she would have been the one to call. The tone of the conversation is still guarded, but I do notice a slight thaw in the cold responses.

My biggest problem is keeping this whole silence thing going. I know that it is the thing to do, but the stress and anxiety in doing so is driving me crazy. Working out does help, but an hour is an hour. There is still way to much time for me to think about this.