Hope4us struggle, part 6

[Hope4us]

Thanks TAL. You're spot on.

I've wanted to move back to our hometown since I discovered her affair. There are just so many triggers that I'm in a pepetual state of anger. Even our house, which is a beautiful home on the top of a hill over looking the valley is painful for me to be in because of what it represents. But I've stayed here because previously S16 told me that he liked it here and wanted to stay. I think he was trying his best to convince himself that he did because this is where we are now.

And you and I are thinking the same. What parent wouldn't do everything in their power to make their kids happy and their lives as free of turmoil as possible? One that is F'd up, that's who. It's funny, when I have mentioned a couple of times moving back to our hometown, WW has said, but S16 likes it here and I'm not moving him again. But now that he realizes how miserable he is here she can't use that excuse and now "she likes it here".

You know, the more this goes on, the more I realize that I've been trying to keep this family together at the cost of my self respect and dignity. Now that S16 has said he wants to move back I find myself realizing that I was only staying here for him. I would still stay with my wife, even as roommates, if she'd agree to move home, but if she's not willing to put her own self absorbed interests aside for our KIDS, then I'm ready to move on.

Could this change? Maybe. If she comes to me and says she'll move I'm going to tell her not to bother unless she's serious about working on our marriage. If she's not serious about it I don't want to bust my a** and waste the next couple years of my life with someone who cares so little about her family and marriage that she won't even try.

I do think that if she says she's not moving she'll get a big surprise when S16 says "ok, dad and I are going without you". Maybe that will be the wake up call she needs to put forth a real effort at repairing our marriage. If not, at least we'll be home around family and real friends.