I want to call him to chat but I can't think of any 'safe' topics to talk about. He doesn't seem to want to talk about anything except what's going on with us, but that's what seems to trigger emotions and arguments too quick. I'd like to spend a little while just doing the co-parenting thing and talking about non-sensitive stuff to see if we can be friends instead of falling back into bed again cos that's an easier way to relate. Sex confuses things.
Oh and I made a mistake, we don't have mediation tomorrow. The next appointment is next Monday which is h's birthday. Sux hey. I'm not game to cancel the appointments as we had to wait at least 6 months for these ones.
I would love to get a double counselling appointment (2 hours) that we could both attend to really get to some of the stuff. One hour just doesn't cut it. There's so much swirling around in my head and heart that I don't know what to deal with first so I can successfully move forward and leave the past in the past.
Just babbling...I dunno if this makes sense
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
What's the go with me where I would rather just deal with things on my own? I feel guilty that I don't want to call him. There's no real reason to call him, other than to invite him out for his b'day next week. I feel like I have to have concrete topics to talk about otherwise we'll get into dangerous territory.
Does this mean I don't want to be married or in a relationship?
Bugger it, I'll call him adn float the bday dinner idea.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
1- Communication is crucial. What helped us when we were at this this stage was no counselor. It was a purchase called "real hope" google it just as I typed it, punctuation & all. It should be the first one. He HAS to listen to you empathetically or else it will not be safe for you to share and this cycle continues. Tell him that is a change he can make that would allow you to open up more.
2- Find a different counselor or tell the counselor before you can move forward to work on a marriage, there needs to be repentance and forgiveness on both sides. AND before that can happen you need these feelings of anger & betrayal dealt with in front of a professional that can do so AND in order to most effectively deal with these feelings, you BOTH need new communications skills (ie: empathetic listening, etc). Ask him if he the person that help the two of you do all those things or do you need to find someone else?
PA & Physical abuse is not acceptable behavior, everyone deserves better than that from a life partner. As do you.
Peace
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Thanks Bridge! I've got them (real hope and the coping.org) up on my screen now. I have read the coping.org website from time to time for other things to do with personal growth (self esteem etc) but hadn't come across this one before.
You seem to have the measure of the situation. What do you need from me?
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
for you to do work & share what does or not, make a difference for you & for your R with H. And to support me in my work.
Where are you located? You must be overseas, but did not get where from your earlier postings.
Purple.. I can not stress how crucial real hope was for us. I hope it can do the same for you. It does take two however and some risk on your part to open up (I UNDERSTAND THE FEAR OF THAT!)
Peace
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Hi Purple, you can also google verbal abuse Patricia Evans. I belong to her site, & it's a good one. Same name there, so I'm easy to find.
Everybody here had to risk opening up at one time. My fingers were shaking so bad, I couldn't type at first. Now, piece of cake, spill my guts, no problem.
Take care. I love down under, especially surfer's paradise.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
