Im so sorry that you have to deal with the card thing. I do hope that's all it was, but nevertheless its still hard the "not knowing" it can drive you crazy.. believe me. Don't let it ( I should take my own advice ) But seriously, you are doing really well in the cheer leader relm.. but I also know how long we've been at this, and it is tiring and exhausting. You just want things to end and be ok. That's all that we all want.
As far as those texts , can you block them or find out who is sending them, because that is considered harrassment. You don't need added stress coming from some wacko with nothing better to do.
You've got mail... your work email that is
(((((jak)))) thinking of you.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I just saw your note to me over on my thread in Infidelity. Wow -- 40 pages of posts from you! Is there a thread or a post that you can direct me to that might be somewhat of a summary of your sitch?
I talked to OW over the weekend. She had told H if I wanted to call I could H told me this.(Don't think he knew she would tell me everything).
there is so much to tell. She says she does not even talk H any longer. Not since he told her he had feelings for her a year and a half ago. SHe said he was just like any of the guys at work she treated him no different. SHe also said that if she knew he had feelings she would not have even let him do any work on her house .SHe also said that he has never tried anything with her that he is a gentleman about it anyway.
There is someone who can verify this is true and she said she would let me know if he tried to give her anymore gifts also. She daid that she will not except them. SHe filled me in aon all of the things that he had said done and asked me if he was in a crisis.
I have always thought it was one sideded for the most part.
I am just trying to deal with the fact that he is still in love with her after all this time and her avoiding him. I just don't know what to do or think anymore. Don't know how much longer I can deal with all of this. I do not want to live as second choice forever.
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That is just it, he never really agrees verbally to anything and gets angry if I do try to hold him accountable for anything and certainly doesn't want to talk about it. I always validate what he has worked on thus far and I do notice the babysteps that he has taken to get us this far. He is in a bad place right now and can't seem to find his way out and this is what I am feeling from him.
Update:
H wrote me a letter yesterday. The most I feel he has said since the bomb.
Answered my questions regaurding time together.
He also answered what I wrote about in love feelings As I thought he is waiting for them to come back. He has felt them in the past and as he says more recently than High school. (I told him that was an example). He mentioned the talking in his sleep said he was sorry doesn't remember that. He also said that she does not talk to him any more and that, that bothers him. he said he was sorry for it and that I didn't need or deserve to hear it.
I then told him that it bothered me, that it bothered him and that my feeling was that he still had feelings for her and wouldn't be able to have those in love feelings for me because of that. That I could not help him get over her only he can decide to do that and that he needed to work on it. Then I cried silently. Told him thank you for writing the letter. That we needed to communicate. Im'e tearing as I write this. I knew he still had feelings, felt it and he knew that I did. Wev'e been married to long for me not to know. Just like I know he still has the cards he got from her in his locker. Told him I feel I have been very patient that I understand he has to work through this. I have told him before many times that I won't wait forever. Maybe I should have again last night. No maybe not, he knows and when the time comes if the time comes i'll tell him I can no longer wait.
Everything that was said was said with grace, compassion, and in a quiet voice. Im'e pretty proud of the way I handled that news. Of course I knew that she was probobly still an issue with him.
I want to thank her for not talking to him though but, I won't.
Just wondering what to do now. And now I feel he's cake eating as he gets so much from me.
JAK _________________________ Me 49 H 50 D 30/D 27/S 26 3 grandsons 1step 1 set of twins, another set of twin Girls YEA! due aug. 08 Married 31 yrs Bomb 10/18/06 Still living together It's not you I'ts me Don't know whats going on I think im'e having a MLC Things are looking up 5/07 [quote]
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Holy cow!... That took a lot of courage to call her... But its really weird that this is all one sided.. I mean she wouldn't have anything to gain by lying to you, so Im glad you did get to talk with her.
This definately not reality for him. He i in love with the thought of her, yet they have not consumated anything and she obviously doesn't feel the same.
This shall pass I think, I don't know how long he could keep up with just the thoughts of her, it doesn't make sense.
He has to just work on you and him, and some all this crap with dwelling on something that never really happend between them.
MLC definately, but its time for a wake up call.
((((jak)))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
At this point im'e just trying to figure out what needs to be dine in the way of a wake up. Maybe nothing. I asked questions so that I knew if she was Lying and she really was Happy I called she said she feels bad that he is doing this and asked me if he was going through some sort of crisis. YA THINK. I know that the friend she talked to is also friends with H and I and would verify if she was lying. The friend is the one that told her she had to tell H she didn't want any part of an R with him. She said she couldn't even talk for a week didn't know what to say and when she did tell him she said she was kind of mean and friend told her she didn't have to be that mean, and she said that she wanted to make sure H understood.
I do believe her.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Thanks for the quick summary. It sounds like OW might be telling the truth, but if you go with the assumption that "all cheaters lie," it's hard to put much stock in it.
Do you think your husband would be willing to enter into a full no-contact/transparency agreement and plan with you? Even if the relationship is one-sided, he will not be able to begin to receive anything from you (nor certainly GIVE anything to you) so long as his brain is addicted to even the FANTASY of this OW.
Wow Jak - that's pretty brave to call the OW! I forget in your case - did they ever actually have an R? Or was it a case of him pursuing her but she wasn't interested (or at least wasn't having an R with a married man)? If it's the former I'd have a tougher time believing her, but if it's the latter it sounds like she was probably being truthful. He really does seem to be hooked on this fantasy rather than an actual person.
How to shake that up is a tough one. I like Puppy's idea, if you think that would work.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
) But seriously, you are doing really well in the cheer leader relm.. but I also know how long we've been at this, and it is tiring and exhausting. You just want things to end and be ok. That's all that we all want. 
YA THINK.