Where is the real me? What do I want?

[Purple]

I want to call him to chat but I can't think of any 'safe' topics to talk about. He doesn't seem to want to talk about anything except what's going on with us, but that's what seems to trigger emotions and arguments too quick. I'd like to spend a little while just doing the co-parenting thing and talking about non-sensitive stuff to see if we can be friends instead of falling back into bed again cos that's an easier way to relate. Sex confuses things.

Oh and I made a mistake, we don't have mediation tomorrow. The next appointment is next Monday which is h's birthday. Sux hey. I'm not game to cancel the appointments as we had to wait at least 6 months for these ones.

I would love to get a double counselling appointment (2 hours) that we could both attend to really get to some of the stuff. One hour just doesn't cut it. There's so much swirling around in my head and heart that I don't know what to deal with first so I can successfully move forward and leave the past in the past.

Just babbling...I dunno if this makes sense