I also thought your response was reasonable and reasoned. Not trying to stir up guilt, Mike. Not trying to defend W either. Just observations. Sorry if I offended.
No offense taken man..Sorry if I sounded offended..I did not mean to..Thanks for the compliment on the response.
Was the meeting focused on "Playtime with Kids" or "Meet the Teachers"?
You find solace being with your daughter. Anger and discomfort in being near your wife. This hurts like nobody's business.
How many of the parents know what's going on in your family? How many eyes do you perceive look at you in a different way?
Playing with your precious little girl was a gift. Attending the meeting was a responsibility, no matter how easy it is to find your way around at school.
Your wife mentioned.. "The Mike Show".. how many times have you heard the same thing here?
In this production you're in, you're not the leading man, you're not the star, you're not the savior, you're not the director. You're the stage hand. You're there to do work, things that seem so little but if it's not done, the show falls apart.
This is about your wife. This is about your daughter.
This is not the Mike show.
You're not a dork. You're just a guy.
Go apologize rather than rationalize. Hear what's she's saying rather than reacting to what's she's doing. Cuz the parenting is forever.
*hugs*
Gyspy, you I will have to agree to disagree here. In no way did I make that the Mike Show..
I quietly went back to play with those kids Gyspy..because it was a 180..I would have never done that before I changed..
I had fun in there..Have you ever had 10 2 year olds crawling all over you?? There's nothing negative about that..it's all positive.
I told her I was sorry that she was questioned. I also told her that I talked to the same teacher that questioned her before the meeting started. So that teacher was aware of me being in the room with the kids and why I was in there and missed the meeting.
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Your wife mentioned.. "The Mike Show".. how many times have you heard the same thing here?
Wow Gyspy..don't you remember 50% of what you see and none of what you hear..as a matter of fact this is the first time I ever heard or saw that term "mike Show"
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This is about your daughter.
That's right it is..And I did put my daughter first.
I just wish you could start thinking of her first. It is the only was she can get through this without scars. I swear to you I am committed to that.
One line covers the entire point of her email. For God's sakes she is 2 years old. WTF is so important about a parent teacher meeting. The point of all this is that she can now blame you if your D has a hard time with things. I guarantee you she will point out every little thing that she can to support her twisted philosophy that kids are resiliant and all will be fine.
If you think for a moment that your D2 will be scarred because you missed the parent teacher conference...get some pills because you are mental.
Ian.. It's all perceptions. What works for Mike is all that matters.
When we'd go to family functions and his family would get nasty.. I'd spend my time with the kids. I loved being with my nieces, nephews and kids over adults who I felt demeaned me. It was a choice I made. I felt positive with the kids.
As you well know, many times in divorce you can't win for losing when it comes to parenting the kids. With my spouse I ask myself "What is the objective?" and go from there. I have said almost the exact same thing to my spouse that your wife said to you, Mike, about being committed to being a co-parent. And you know what? My spouse does whatever he wants, however he wants. There's no co-parenting in our case because he doesn't want us to be seen as a couple to the kids in any way, shape or form, even as parents who work together.
Perhaps some of my own personal frustration came out in my post to you, Mike, for which I apologize. In the end, for me, it came down to why you went there in the first place to attend a parent meeting.
Your choice on what you do. Your choice on how you manage the parenting relationship with her. It's all one big stew.
*hugs*
I went to attend the meeting sure..then I decided I was going in to play with all those kids.
Ya know Kathleen..deep down it would not have mattered because my W is acting like an ass..I could have went to that meeting, sat down beside her and you know what..she would have been pissed cause I was in her frinkin space..If I would have moved and sat away from her then she would have been pissed because I was not next to her. If I would have blown the meeting off she would have been pissed. So you know what? I did the best thing I could do..I was a daddy spending time with his D..Ya know people bitch, piss and moan because daddies, especially divorced daddies don't spend time with their kids..what does my dumb ass wife do?? she bitches because I do spend time with D...
Yea, it's not about the practicality of it. It is about working with W in a way that is perceived as being involved and interested. Maybe she is just looking for something - anything - to rag on you about, but don't give her more ammo.
Well, what I will say is this.I personally doubt that any of the teachers said jack squat to Mike's wife. What is the expression we use, believe how much of what they say????
If I was to guess the actual scenario at the conference, it probably went more like this.
The teacher saw Mike's wife, asked where Mike was. Wife said in the other room with all the kids.
That minor conversation probably triggered her to make the mountain out of the molehill as she saw an opening once again to punish Mike for something else.
I cannot speak for Mike, but I imagine he saw an opportunity to have some fun with his D2. He probably thought exactly what I said in my earlier post, that a conference for a 2 year old is not necessarily needed for both parents. He spent time with his kid and gets a rant from his wife about it.
Perception is important, so is reality. Mike responded to his wife great. He clearly said he understood and what he was actually doing. I think he did well with handling the crisis.
I would still bet you that this is not the last he will hear of said subject. I believe she will store it in her arsenal of more things to support her decisions.
Can any one of you actually say that this is something you would have made a big deal about with your spouse? I would guess most of you would have seen him in there with his D2 and gotten a little flutter in your heart over the fact that he was a dad in a room full of 2 year olds just being with his D. Not for nothing, but when I was married, this sort of thing would have actually meant a great night for me.....
If you're not interested in working on a R with your W then fine. But if you are, then what you are doing is not helping. I think your W was upset b/c of the way the teachers were making comments and felt maybe abandoned by you or you were doing it to her to spite her or make her mad. And the comments made by the teachers putting her on the spot made her more upset about this.
My W maybe should put some big girl panties on and handle a teacher who is asking questions.
I walked in that evening and ask a teacher if there was a problem with me being in the room with the kids..the teacher said no..
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But since she made a few good points, what's the harm in saying that's a good point or whatever;
My response to her was that I understood how she could feel the way she felt. I also apologized to her for the teachers putting her on the spot. I also told her that I would be glad to talk to the teacher about it..
Her problem deep down..she wanted it to be the "W show"
It wasn't, she's pissed..she wanted a united front in the face of a D she initiated..she did not get that, she has to blame someone so let's blame Mike..
Yea, it's not about the practicality of it. It is about working with W in a way that is perceived as being involved and interested. Maybe she is just looking for something - anything - to rag on you about, but don't give her more ammo.
Well, what I will say is this.I personally doubt that any of the teachers said jack squat to Mike's wife. What is the expression we use, believe how much of what they say????
If I was to guess the actual scenario at the conference, it probably went more like this.
The teacher saw Mike's wife, asked where Mike was. Wife said in the other room with all the kids.
That minor conversation probably triggered her to make the mountain out of the molehill as she saw an opening once again to punish Mike for something else.
I cannot speak for Mike, but I imagine he saw an opportunity to have some fun with his D2. He probably thought exactly what I said in my earlier post, that a conference for a 2 year old is not necessarily needed for both parents. He spent time with his kid and gets a rant from his wife about it.
Perception is important, so is reality. Mike responded to his wife great. He clearly said he understood and what he was actually doing. I think he did well with handling the crisis.
I would still bet you that this is not the last he will hear of said subject. I believe she will store it in her arsenal of more things to support her decisions.
Can any one of you actually say that this is something you would have made a big deal about with your spouse? I would guess most of you would have seen him in there with his D2 and gotten a little flutter in your heart over the fact that he was a dad in a room full of 2 year olds just being with his D. Not for nothing, but when I was married, this sort of thing would have actually meant a great night for me.....
Ian
This is exactly how it went.
I got to daycare first. W pulled in. I helped get D out of car. We walked into daycare. Met a teacher at the door and and the teacher said, I'll take D back to the play area and I said, "that's ok, I think I'll go back with her." W says, you're not going to the meeting?, I say nope, I think I'll spend time with D. W says OK. I walk with D back the room, I see the teacher that supposedly questioned the W and told that teacher exactly why I was not going to the meeting...so the teacher that asked the questions the day after the meeting..she knew why I did what I did before the meeting ever started..before she saw my W..
So I guess we were typing at the same time huh??????
Yes sir we were..
You're right, she will add it to her arsenal..with the million other things she uses to redirect her guilt..or justify her reasons for walking.
Ian..I had so much fun in that room..a NORMAL woman(if there is such a thing) walks by that room and sees a 44 year old man in the middle of 2 year olds getting used and abused and crawled all over..I believe she would have thought, "what a guy".."what a man"
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 06/29/0803:15 AM.
a NORMAL woman(if there is such a thing) walks by that room and sees a 44 year old man in the middle of 2 year olds getting used and abused and crawled all over..I believe she would have thought, "what a guy".."what a man"
The thing is Mike, she may have walked by that room.She may have seen you with all those kids. She may have had that heart flutter.
In her current frame of mind, wouldn't you say that would piss her off?
Let this one go dude, water under the bridge and not a damn thing you can do. Actually, IMHO not a damn thing you should do.
