OK, this for starters is a logical impossiblity and blatant romanticizing...if it is in your head, it isn't real. What makes things real is that they actually take up time and space. If its just in your head, it is pure fantasy. You haven't had a romantic relationship with him, just an affair, so its just a fantasy and just in your head...quite unreal
Originally Posted By: whatdidido
No matter what everyone says, because it is too fresh
You can ignore our advice, that's expected during withdrawal...but don't try to argue the case logically, it isn't going to make any sense.
Originally Posted By: whatdidido
I think OM and I would have been happy in the most important way.
You have no idea. If anything his willingness to participate in an affair indicates he is not mature enough to maintain a successful long term relationship..much less make anyone happy in "the most important way". Sorry wdid, but any attempt at reasoning here isn't going to go far...you can read this thread in a year from now and see then how senseless this all sounds.
Originally Posted By: whatdidido
The unhappiness that would come with OM would be more of the financial problems, security, loss of my son's time
He's not mature enough to handle things well when they go bad, tha'ts the problem, its not finances or security, its the lack of maturity someone like this possesses to manage these challenges. Many couples face financial challenges..the successful ones have the maturity to survive them. If he is willing to trash another private household, he isn't mature enough to handle financial pressures that come with a long term relationship.
Originally Posted By: whatdidido
ok, here we go...let me keep listing here what it is would go wrong........
Just try to be honest with yourself, listen to your head, not your injured and exhausted heart, she is way too harried right now to be of much help in discerning the truth.
Originally Posted By: whatdidido
OM's temper and can be mean when angry (but of course right now I think we could work through that), living arrangements (he's ready to move in together and get married and I wouldn't be ready for that for a while)-would cause our next batch of arguments, his friends and how they may influence him negatively, I'm good for him but is he good for me?, his jealousy,......well, it's a start
Jealousy? Man, he has a nerve getting jealous...wow, of all the ..anyways....
The subject matter won't make a difference, you would argue, and not work your way through it because he isn't mature enough yet to get there.
Finances and other problems will always be there, the difference isn't money or your home, its the maturity to handle life's challenges.
Your husband's maturity is to work with you and move on, the OM's maturity is to lie and hide his problems and concoct fantasies to continue a destructive road to oblivion.
He just isn't ready. He SAYS he's rady, he SAYS he wants all this, but he doens't have the maturity to handle the hard times.
Successful couples have hard times, but successful couples have the maturity to work thorugh them.
