I haven't seen anything in her current behavior that I find becoming. She's not the same person. Her contempt for me is beyond anything I thought the woman I thought I married was capable of. And yet I think I can say anything to her she might truly hear?
No, maybe not. I guess I need to really and truly give her over to God instead. I can say nothing to her that won't be twisted by her fog, nothing for the time being. I just need to continue to pray for her and minimize what interactions with her as I can.
I think that sounds like a good plan, NC! I hate to bring up Dr. Phil, how embarrassing, but I think he says something like is what you're doing hurting or helping your R? And I think some of what you're doing like arguing with her about the D is not helping obviously. It doesn't seem to from what you say. I just started in the process but H wanted something from me and my L said not to give it to him and I just relayed that message to him that I would LOVE to help him out, but my L said I couldn't, and I think we are supposed to do what our Ls tell us and follow their advice. I know my H believes I am a dumb & overly trusting person (ok maybe part of that is true) but I don't think I'm as dumb as he thinks, and playing dumb like I have no control and I'm getting bossed by my L is something that I think is useful for me and getting out of arguments. I do think LRT is good, if not for your R just for your mental health and PMA and I am trying to do that as much as possible although it doesn't come naturally to me.
And about the mileage, if your L thinks that is what you should be doing or not I would listen to your L and follow his advice, and if you W wants to talk about that say that is the advice of your L and let her L talk to your L. I mean they are the ones that want the D and have the OP, so if they aren't happy they have other things they could be doing to prevent this. It's not like we are the ones breaking up the M so you shouldn't feel any guilt and I certainly don't!!!
Oh, and I agree with you that anything you say she probably won't hear or understand or whatever. My H is very foggy, and Puppy and others have told me not to waste my time and that is probably true in your case, too. I guess maybe that is why DB seems to focus on actions rather than talking, b/c the talking is kind of pointless at this point in the process I think. Karen
