I'm getting a little tired of always getting upset after talking to spouse.
He called to ask if our son would bring some papers when he saw him today. I said yes and wanted to get the hell off the phone. He later called my son to make sure he brought them. My 18 year old mentioned he'd met his dad at another place near where they were going. First time I heard about it. I didn't say anything, just nodded. Then I went on to worry about the other kids not having equal time with their dad, then let it go.
This whole thing upsets me.. and I feel the tears coming on at times. Then I whack my head, try and do something physical (this morning trying to haul a regulation size foosball table out of the screened porch and unto the driveway (one story down.) I really wanted to flip it off the stone wall to hear it thunk. I didn't get very far when my 18 year old came out to help. I tried to explain I wasn't mad at him, that sometimes emotions just came up and moving things, "constructive destruction" always made me feel better.
I get so frustrated when I feel I'm alone in all this. That's my pity party filling up, no doubt. So I'll weed, destroying the lives of proliferating plants who picked the wrong place to root and see if that helps. I prefer hard labor more. I just don't get motivated to do it. Probably easier to stew rather than do!
You know what else I hate?
Hmmph. I'll see if I still hate it after doing something physical.
Maybe I need ... 'huh'. Can't imagine doing it though.
