whatdidido/H4US Its great that you both met here, (you know what i mean, I know its bad any of us are here) you can get the other persons point of view. I have been checking in on you both and I'm keeping you both in my prayers, sorry I don't post more, there are so many people here, its hard to keep up with everyone,
Have a great weekend you two
We all have a long haul ahead of us, good or bad it's the path we choose in life that's important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
Thanks, Jeff. I understand that you are busy with your own situation....I am always reading yours and keeping up with it, but I may not always have time to respond. You are in my prayers as well.
Do you think he complimented his wife this way? And *to him* is there really any way on earth I could have really been more smart, beautiful or amazing then his wife??? I mean she had his kids, she probably did his laundry, kept his house clean, supported him for YEARS and yes, probably was a bit@h sometimes (aren't we all???), and yet here he was POURING compliments to me. Some relative STRANGER!!!
When I asked him about his marriage and his wife he'd just say it wasn't good. Gee... Wonder why???? Hey, maybe if he'd try talking with his wife like this rather then some woman (women) he doesn't even really know maybe he'd have a better marriage
This is a great thought to remember. I wish my roomie had someone to tell her this. I wish roomie would THINK this.
If we have another blow out some day (hmm, what are the odds?), it may have to be me to tell her this about OM and his W.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Sorry for the hyjack, but talking about little things that gets to you...there is a phrase the H's use here on the board that I wished they would stop after his wife returns home or after she breaks contact with her OM. That being, to continue to refer to her as his WW. To me, it is constantly sprinkling salt in the wound b/c if she has tried to make amends, stop calling her that. It's just a touchy thing for me, I suppose, but you would not continue to refer to her as a WAW as if she was still gone but in reality she had returned home, so I don't think calling her a wayward wife is healthy if she has made the decision to stay in the M. I think she should just be called..."wife". JMHO. Maybe I am too sensitive about it.....I have noticed a lot of men in other threads that call their W's this, even though they have come back home to him. Why not just refer to our spouses as our sinful spouse? We would all fit into that category wouldn't we?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
ok whatdidido, I guess I will add something here quickly.
No contact, including and in particular to your situation means NO FANTASIZING.
If you find yourself wandering there then STOP and DO SOMETHING that requires your concentration. Do a crossword puzzle or something that requires your mind to focus on that instead.
It reads like you are maintaining no external contact, so your mind is deciding to just IMAGINE contact, you are imaginging him and your life together...if you are going to continue that you may as well just phone him.
I would hazzard a guess here that this is even worse...because its pure fantasy, the OM doesn't even have a chance to louse that up like he might in reality.
When you agree to no contact, it includes making efforts not to think about him...or you may as well just call him up, you arne't accomplishing anything if you let your mind wander like that.
No contact really means NO thought or action directed or involving the OM. No thought or action relating to this guy at all...
Your addiction wasn't drugs or alcohol, it was a fantasy, and you are NOT stopping yourself from that if you keep fantasizing.
Sorry, but you aren't in withdrawal from a fantasy if you keep entertaining them, you need to STOP fantasizing or you won't get through it.
Every time you fantasize you take another drink or another hit of your addiction. You weren't addicted to him, you got addicted to the fantasy that the two of you gave birth to. The FANTASY must end.
This guy's promises and claims are really good for that. I would treat you like a queen etc, this is just really good fantasy, he should be selling used cars. In reality he's a selfish liar and he was selling you a fantasy.
STOP fantasizing or you won't get to the other side.
Sorry for the hyjack, but talking about little things that gets to you...there is a phrase the H's use here on the board that I wished they would stop after his wife returns home or after she breaks contact with her OM. That being, to continue to refer to her as his WW. To me, it is constantly sprinkling salt in the wound b/c if she has tried to make amends, stop calling her that. It's just a touchy thing for me, I suppose, but you would not continue to refer to her as a WAW as if she was still gone but in reality she had returned home, so I don't think calling her a wayward wife is healthy if she has made the decision to stay in the M. I think she should just be called..."wife". JMHO. Maybe I am too sensitive about it.....I have noticed a lot of men in other threads that call their W's this, even though they have come back home to him. Why not just refer to our spouses as our sinful spouse? We would all fit into that category wouldn't we?
Sandi, If you're referring to my posts I'll try to explain. In my opinion my wife is still wayward because she still has not done anything to commit to our marriage. The most I've got from her is "I'll stay around for the kids until S16 graduates from H.S. and see how it goes with us". She reads book after book glorifying affairs, she still sleeps on the couch, she hasn't given me ANY sign of affection since last Sept, she has not apologized for having the affair beyond saying ONCE about 6 months ago "I know what OM and I did was wrong", but a few weeks later tried to arrange another meeting with him. She has not worn her wedding ring since last Sept. She still hides and locks her cell phone and refuses to get rid of any of her affair stuff. She's so far not read any of the books I've asked her to read about how to recover a marriage after an affair and she flat out refuses to Retro or MC. She introduced me to the enabler GF's boyfriend by saying "this is (my first name). Not, this is my husband. So to me, she's still Wayward with a capital W since the only reason she's staying in the marriage is "for the kids".
Said another way, would you call an alcoholic a recovering alcoholic if they refused to commit to not drinking again or attending AA meetings?
Trust me, nothing would make me happier than to call her my "former" wayward wife or more simply, my wife. But as she's made it very clear to me she doesn't think of herself as my wife I have a hard time not thinking of her as wayward.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Thank you for checking on me h4h, sandi, root, mark, and hopeforus.
Root, sandi was saying we are all sinful. There is no one without sin.
Mark, what you say is true. I am working toward that. I really am. It is not a cut and dry process even though I wish it was. I try to get my mind distracted but the minute I'm not busy OM pops in. I'm working at it and I am hoping little by little, and with time, OM will be faded out more and more. Maybe me telling my thoughts on here about him is not good because it puts the fantasy in words. I do, though, because usually you all have some good ways to cut my fantasy apart and that is helpful. Either way, you are right. The fantasy has to stop.
Last night we welcomed 28 couples to our Retrouvaille in Tampa. There were couples there from as far away as Ohio and Pennsylvania. I asked why people came so far to go to the weekend. The coordinator said that it is because in some of those other places there will not be a Retrouvaille until September, and these people couldn't wait. I thought of you, and how hard it is to wait. But it is getting close now. I think this will do you a world of good. Please let us know how things go for you there.
. I thought of you, and how hard it is to wait. But it is getting close now. I think this will do you a world of good. Please let us know how things go for you there.
Withd .. ... When ? Where ? I am going in 12 days It's in Sac. Calif..
H
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
