I don't know how to start this. When I got home last night, WW took right up where she as for the last week and a half. Talking and talking and talking.
HER TALKING SO MUCH TO YOU IS A GOOD SIGN.
I didn't say anything about S16 wanting to move back to our hometown because I wanted to give him a day to think about it to make sure it's what he really wants to do.
SMART MOVE.
So, keeping up with my best GAL activities, about 6:00 I told WW I was going out for a while and got up and left. While I was out I had a pretty good time, even by myself. When I got home WW was looking at the PC and didn't say anything when I came in.
WAS SHE TALKING/EMAILING TO OM WHILE YOU WERE GONE? PROBABLY SO. IT IS HABIT AND ADDICTIVE.
So I went outside and sat on the deck for a while. And I started thinking....
Do I even want this to work?
YES YOU DO.
Why do I continue to try to make this marriage work after the way she's treated me?
BECAUSE YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART YOU LOVE HER AND SHE LOVES YOU. YOU KNOW THAT YOU GOT TO THIS PLACE BECAUSE OF BOTH OF YOU, AND YOU NEED TO TRY TO FIX IT BEFORE "MOVING ON". YOUR CHILDREN ARE WORTH IT. IT IS WHAT GOD WOULD WANT. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE...THIS IS THE WORSE.....THAT BEING SAID, IN THE BIBLE, INFIDELITY IS THE ONLY REASON THEY GIVE FOR LEAVING YOUR WIFE.
Why do I try to make this work when she is so wrapped up in herself that she can't/won't think about how her actions affect ANYONE else?
BECAUSE YOU KNOW SHE IS IN A FOG, AND SHE DOESN'T YET. IT IS A DRUG.
S16 had about a 3.4 GPA the first year we were here, but this school year his grades and attitude have really taken a dive. Um...let's see, his mom starts going away for weekends with OM the third week of the school year and then pretty much everyother weekend for the next 2 months. He's pretty darn sure she's having an affair even before I tell him and he see's how she's treating me and has checked out of the marriage and now S16 spends most of his time in his room listening to music and rarely in a happy mood. And this is from the kid that was the most happy go lucky, well adjusted kid you'd know. And his grades this year, in a word, sucked. And now he wants to move back to our hometown because he KNOWS what living in our location means to our family.
YOUR SON MAY NEED SOME THERAPY UNFORTUNATELY OR AT LEAST SOME FAMILY THERAPY WHEN YOUR W HAS RECOMMITTED BACK TO THE M.
WW has lied, cheated, deceived, lied some more, checked out of the marriage and refuses to do anything to see if we can work it out all the while refusing to get rid of her affair stuff, read any books about recovering a marriage after an affair, reads books glorifying affairs, refuses Retro or MC and still I try. WHY?
I DON'T REMEMBER HOW LONG YOU HAVE GIVEN HER TO STOP CONTACT BUT IF IT HAS BEEN 2 MONTHS OR SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO COMMIT TO ABSOLUTE NO CONTACT AND WANTING TO WORK ON MARRIAGE. THEN, SHE MAY NEED SOME GRIEVING TIME BEFORE REALLLLLLY BEING ABLE TO DO SOME THINGS, UP AND DOWN DAYS. RETROVAILLE SHOULD BE PLANNED AND SHE SHOULD START READING THINGS NOW. I'M WITH PUPPY, IT'S TIME TO HAVE THAT DISCUSSION.
Why is it that just as things seem to be looking like she's figuring it out do I now feel that I don't even want them to?
BECAUSE THE REALITY OF IT ALL IS HITTING YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR HER FOR SO LONG THAT WAS YOUR FOCUS. NOW, YOU ARE REALIZING THE LONG HAUL AHEAD OF YOU. SHE IS, TOO. YOU WILL HAVE A LOT TO DEAL WITH NOW, H4U. GETTING HER TO RECOMMIT IS REALLY THE EASY PART. SHE IS AFRAID YOU WILL BAIL, TOO, AND IS HOLDING PART OF HER HEART AND NOT FULLY SAYING WHAT SHE DID WAS WRONG IN CASE YOU DO.
S16 TM'd me first thing this morning and asked if I'd talked to his mom about moving. I told him I hadn't because I wanted to give him a day to think about it to make sure this is what he wants. I then asked him what he wanted to do if his mom doesn't want to move. He said "If she doesn't want to move then I guess we'll know that she really doesn't care about me or your marriage and we can just move without her".
SON IS TRYING TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE, TOO.
So....I'm going to talk to WW this morning and see where she's at. I'm scared of her answer...but at the same time, looking forward to it because at least I won't be in limbo much longer.
LIMBO IS THE WORSE THING FOR BOTH OF YOU AND YOUR KIDS. SHE HAS HAD TIME TO SAY SHE'LL TRY OR NOT.
