Hope4us struggle, part 6

[Hope4us]

I don't know how to start this. When I got home last night, WW took right up where she as for the last week and a half. Talking and talking and talking. I didn't say anything about S16 wanting to move back to our hometown because I wanted to give him a day to think about it to make sure it's what he really wants to do.

So, keeping up with my best GAL activities, about 6:00 I told WW I was going out for a while and got up and left. While I was out I had a pretty good time, even by myself. When I got home WW was looking at the PC and didn't say anything when I came in. So I went outside and sat on the deck for a while. And I started thinking....

Do I even want this to work? Why do I continue to try to make this marriage work after the way she's treated me? Why do I try to make this work when she is so wrapped up in herself that she can't/won't think about how her actions affect ANYONE else? S16 had about a 3.4 GPA the first year we were here, but this school year his grades and attitude have really taken a dive. Um...let's see, his mom starts going away for weekends with OM the third week of the school year and then pretty much everyother weekend for the next 2 months. He's pretty darn sure she's having an affair even before I tell him and he see's how she's treating me and has checked out of the marriage and now S16 spends most of his time in his room listening to music and rarely in a happy mood. And this is from the kid that was the most happy go lucky, well adjusted kid you'd know. And his grades this year, in a word, sucked. And now he wants to move back to our hometown because he KNOWS what living in our location means to our family.

WW has lied, cheated, deceived, lied some more, checked out of the marriage and refuses to do anything to see if we can work it out all the while refusing to get rid of her affair stuff, read any books about recovering a marriage after an affair, reads books glorifying affairs, refuses Retro or MC and still I try. WHY?

Why is it that just as things seem to be looking like she's figuring it out do I now feel that I don't even want them to?

S16 TM'd me first thing this morning and asked if I'd talked to his mom about moving. I told him I hadn't because I wanted to give him a day to think about it to make sure this is what he wants. I then asked him what he wanted to do if his mom doesn't want to move. He said "If she doesn't want to move then I guess we'll know that she really doesn't care about me or your marriage and we can just move without her".

So....I'm going to talk to WW this morning and see where she's at. I'm scared of her answer...but at the same time, looking forward to it because at least I won't be in limbo much longer.