Would really like WAW your opinion

[mamanpc]

Hi everhope,
you don't have to apologize about posting here, constructive posts from LBS are more than welcome (my opinion anyway).

I was a WAW (you can read my thread in my signature below) - the wakeup call for me was when my H 'moved on' very quickly (10 days after i said i was leaving) and found another W who moved into our house.

It was a shock to me because i had spent years with him as the adoring H who would let me do just about anything - now i realize because he wanted me to stay with him - unfortunately we were not able to talk about it openly, a shared problem since i had trouble communicating my feelings and he (I think) would panic at the thought of even bringing it up. In addition i was poorly advised by a therapist who openly approved my PAs and seemd to be guiding me towards a departure.
My departure created a huge rift in our R (now that's not surprising isn't it? but i guess i had been with him in his 'adoring H' state for so long that i took him for granted, though i didnt'really love him, all that WAW MLC stuff).

Now i'm getting a MAJOR dose of my own medicine since i have ended my PA (with no EA either) while H is maintaining R with OW (he says EA and not PA but who knows? there is not much trust between us right now and i feel terrible and show it so he may just be trying to ease the pain for me by claiming no PA).

I deeply regret my actions and my (our) inability talk about this before i walked out. DBing was a huge help, as a result we are into piecing but it's very very tough (though much better than when we were separated), in fact i am experiencing a pretty major backslide right now.

Rather than provide you with 'an excuse to give up', I would encourage you to GAL so that you feel less torn about what she is doing when not with you. I find what you describe VERY encouraging about getting on well with her, she not wanting to hang up pohne, etc. Yes the waiting is REALLY REALLY hard, but absolutely essential. Patience is not my strongpoint, and i have to constantly read and re-read the books and posts about how important it is to be patient - time associated with our actions (180s, not talking about R etc) are critical in getting things to improve.

The fact that she doesn't want to talk about the R is not a big deal in my opinion - she's undoubtedly confused and not sure herself what to do next. Like i read in one of Michelle's books: "lovingly distance yourself" while continuing with your 180 and let her work out her feelings.
Bon courage like we say here in France!