My books were shipped today, so I'll start on those soon.
We had what I can only call mechanical, fumbling sex today. I had to be out of town all day until late last night, but I tried to lay the groundwork. I told her I wanted to make love this morning. I told her I wanted her to think it over, and I gave her a few things to think about. She has taken to saying "We'll see." She used to say that and mean "NO," but now we've talked about getting to a genuine "maybe." I don't want to demand that she tell me she'll be ready for sex at such-and-such a time, but if she says "maybe" I want her to mean it. Anyway, I believe her now when she says "we'll see."
Well, this morning came around, and the baby got up early, crying, and it just wasn't going to happen. I took my son to his class in the big town nearby, and since I never get to shoot anymore and my gun club is located there, I used the time he was in class to go over and do some shooting. It was nice to get a little time to do what I want to do. But by the time I was done with that, had done some shopping and picked up the kid, I was exhausted from being in the car 8 hours last night. I came home, went upstairs and took a nap. Later my wife put the baby down for a nap and came in to see me. We kissed, which led to fondling, and she wasn't really responding wholeheartedly, but she was going through the motions. I think it was the first time she's actually tried to "Just Do It" as Davis would say. We got as far as me giving her oral before I started to feel like I was getting a genuine response from her, which is glossing over a lot of fumbling and a couple of awkward pauses, but there you are. At that point, she was right there in the moment and sexy as hell. I brought her to orgasm and she pulled me up for intercourse. I don't think it felt very good to her, at least at first. It sure felt awkward to me, but no way was I going to do anything that she might take as rejection of her effort. Eventually she loosened up a bit and so did I. I actually think I could have lasted a lot longer that time, but the truth was that even though I love making love to my wife, this was more of an experiment for her and I wanted to end it on a high note before it began to hurt or bore her. Afterward we lay wrapped up together, and THAT felt GREAT. We talked about what we had done and why it felt so weird. I told her that the fact that she was trying meant more to me than anything and made me glad I was married to her. I think all in all it was good. The first time someone tries to make love, even though she really doesn't feel like doing it, has to be weird. She's always been so big on her "mood" having to be just right. It must be maddening to go against that, but she did.
Gurney says mood is a thing for cattle or making love, but in the first place, that isn't always true, and in the second place, I can't help but wonder what happens when Gurney is in the mood for cattle. I hope it involves a steakhouse.
