I'm taking my S to his PT appointment and it is close to the OM house and we are eariry so for some unknow reason I decide to drive by. My W car is parked out front.
I pull in the drive way fly up top to the door and bang on it. I see my wife and enter the house. I cn not remember what I said but left immediatlly. She comes out says that he called me today to take him to pick up his car because his w wont be home till later and he had nobody else.
He comes outside and looks me stright in the eye and says that nothing is going on between them. They have been friends since High School and that He has been married for 17 years and we are just friends.
I am like look at this from my point of view. You are texting my wife for over a year without my knowlege. I see a text message that says I love ya. I look straight at my wife and say. You said it is like a love for a girlfriend but when was the last time you have ever said that to a girl.
He says I can see how you would think that. I would think that but nothing is happening. We are just friends and i needed a ride to get my car. My wife realizes that Our S is in the car. Thank god he is oblivious to anything. She gets pissed because he is in there.
Now as I am standing there looking at this guy and my wife. Furious as can be I actually belive these two. First of all he is dressed like a slob and is not at all what I would call good looking. But I can sense the honesty. Am I F nuts or have I just blown everthing out of proportion or did I stop something before it started.
I don't know at this point, I leave, she leaves and i take my S to his PT appointment.
I call my W on her cell and we taled for about an hour. She cryed, I cryed. We talked about me discovering what an A-hole I have been, how I lost who I was because of allowing everyone to dictate my life, how I am trying to get it back. The changes I have been making and why. The reason I am shopping for myself.
I told her I want to stop depending on other people. I want to be self sufficiant. I want to find out what make me happy and do things just for me. I appolologized for all the pain I put her and the kids thru in the past and how I have to deal with that everyday. I told her that I am a better person today and will continue to make myself better.
I told her that I want to make our marriage work but if the only reason she is still here is because it is what I want then that is not good enough. I want her to try because she wants to try. I want her to be with me because she wants to be with me not because I want her to be with me. I asked her if she understood and she said that she did. I said it will mean nothing to me if youare onluy here to please me, that is not what I want.
It was a long mentally draining conversation but some of it needed to come out. I told her since we don't go to councling I have no way of knowing what she is thinking or what direction we are going in. She almost said we should go but I wont hold my breath.
She admitted that she does not know what she wants and that maybe she should see a C to help her figure it out. She also hinted on reading some of my r books. Of course I will not give her DB or DR thay are mine.
Sorry for the long post but wow want an afternoon. I either settle the OM problem once and for all or ended my marriage. Either way I feel like I am in for one he** of a long couple of months.
Head, Insert 2x4 here.
No 2x4..I can't do it.
Take a step back-observe things for a few days..No R talks unless she initiates.
