... we put a wall up around our hearts and emotions. I call it "going into emotional shutdown." It's a defense mechanism on our part. The really weird part? When H mentioned this the last time, I told him that I thought it was funny that he notices this "wall" now but he never noticed it the last 3 years of our marriage...
oh yeah...
I suppose I'm glad he notices it, but sometimes now that he does & I need some priviate thought time, having him bugging me about what is bothering me & why am I shut off like this is like 'pushing'. I have asked him to just mention it.
Say something like..
It seems as if you're withdrawn and walled off a bit today. Would you like a listener?
I've said if I respond with a 'no', then please just back off with the reassurance like
OK.. you sound like you need some space. I'll be here to listen anytime you need it.I really want to know what your feeling/thinking.
If I say yes, then let me know honestly if you are in place to empathetically listen, not just parrot things back to me.
It has worked a few times for us. Not well, not 100%, but it is a new way of doing things.
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
