Status Unkown

[jon2911]

OK, W just texted for the login info to our health insurance site, now's as good a time as any. Thanks for the advice.

[MichelleLT]

Good luck!

(((jon)))

[jon2911]

Her response:
"Cool, but I don't foresee an appointment needed anytime soon"

I've been thinking about the sitch today. SIL had an episode several years ago where she failed out of college, ran up all her bills and got into a lot of trouble. Her grandparents moved her to live with them, paid off her bills, and got her back on her feet over the course of a year.

I never thought W would go through something similar, but that's where we are. And on top of it, she's too proud to ask their financial help. So, no more money from me.

W and SIL went through their parent's nasty divorce while in high school. They were the picture-perfect family with a ton of money, and it all fell apart. W was closer to her dad, SIL closer to her mom, so there's always been tension. The thing is, they still look perfect, they're still rich. I was always embarrassed of my family compared to hers. So all in all, this could be a good thing. She's supposedly found a counselor, but I doubt she's gone.

Interestingly, SIL and her fiancee have had great results in the same recovery group I go to. I've been surprised at how much the 12 steps are about dealing with pain from your past. SIL sounds like a new person now. Of course, W thinks it's a bunch of crap, people can't really change, blah blah blah. I just need to let her hit rock bottom like SIL did.

[MichelleLT]

Sounds like that has given you some interesting insight.

Your W will eventually get to a happy place like SIL. I hope it is while there is still a chance for your M. Lol.

In any case, you sound good. Stay detached, let her make her own mistakes, focus on yourself for a while, keep up the great GAL activities, and keep your PMA up!

(((jon)))

[jon2911]

Interesting contact last night. I was coming home from a great night with friends, and got this text:
"Thoughts on LA taxes?"

This is sticky, because W owns part of a natural gas well in Louisiana, so we pay taxes from the royalties. Of course, she's keeping the royalties to herself since we separated.

Me: Was thinking about that. I can pay half, but it's not affecting credit, it's really no big deal besides the $15 a month if you need to wait a while.

W: You are crazy, ugh. Please do them, send them your half and I'll figure out how to sell my soul to the devil

W: I hate you a lot right now, in case you were wondering.

This got to me. I thought it was a gracious offer, and Louisiana taxes aren't a big deal like the IRS. We were a year late last time (because of S), and paid a small fine. Nothing like the credit cards and collectors W is dealing with. Still, the text came across condescending.

I took a chance and called her, and we had a great talk. I explained that I had the money set aside, but she had more immediate needs. I didn't want to make her feel bad so didn't bring it up. She said it really bothers her to not have them done, so she's mailing some paperwork and I'll get them finished.

An hour later:
"what counselor are you seeing?"

I answered her and left it at that.

[ms ladybug]

She wouldn't have asked what counselor you're seeing if she wasn't interested, at least a bit.
So, I see that as a positive.
The hate you was sarcastic, right?

[jon2911]

The hate you was sarcastic, right?

No, I don't think so. She's very stressed about this financial stuff. And I guess she thinks I should pay all the taxes on her royalties. Anyway, I thought about just ignoring it, but calling was a good idea this time.

And yes, I'm encouraged by the counselor question. Sort of. I really feel close to being done with the whole thing though.

[MichelleLT]

I am glad you made a positive conversation out of that.

Don't be surprised by her anger, a lot of WASs get angry because of positive changes they see in the LBS that they wish would have happened years prior.

Her anger in this particular case is probably also a product of guilt/resentment that you are doing okay financially and emotionally.

Hang in there! You guys really have a good shot at R IMHO.

(((Jon)))

[jon2911]

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I got a VERY sexy text in the night. And had some fun with it today.

How she goes from I hate you to Counseling to that I'll never know. Maybe the rollercoaster is as confusing for our spouses as it is for us?

[MichelleLT]

And from there to sexy texts lol.

Yes it is. If she wasn't confused, she'd be long gone.

I am glad you can empathize with her pain/anger/confusion.

You are a great guy.