I posted to you before, but I must not have 'submitted' it.
YOU didn't lock the thread, I lock them wherever I 'am' on the board. So I will apologize for locking it when you would have liked to respond there.
And I will give you the chance to dialogue with me here if you'd like.
Originally Posted By: deb13
FIB, just wanted to throw in my two cents here....when my xH told me that he wanted us to try to reconcile our marriage, Bill "let me go". But, he gave me one important word of advice...he told me not to settle. Bill knew what I was wanting/needing in a marriage and from a husband. He told me not to settle for anything less than what I wanted/needed. The whole time Bill & I were apart, I was seeing things in my xH that indicated he wasn't completely into the reconciliation. The words were there; but, not the actions. I kept thinking about what Bill told me and asking myself if I was settling. I knew at that point that I no longer wanted my xH the way he had been or the way he was at that time. He was saying all the right things, just not always doing them. Goes back to "actions speak louder than words" and "believe what they do, not what they say".
FIB, I probably would have settled...not because I loved my xH or because I wanted my marriage back; but, because I thought I had to honor my vows and my commitment to my family. Thank God that I found out he was living w/ another woman because that reconciliation was doomed for hell from the start and our marriage would never have survived.
FIB, you are so much stronger now than you were months ago! I am so proud of you and the way you have carried yourself through all of this. Please be sure of what YOU want and do NOT settle...you deserve true love and happiness. Now, I am treading on thin ice by saying that; but, please know that I am NOT trying to encourage you to walk away...I am just saying know what YOU want/need. Set your goals and work to achieve them. And, above anything else, love your little ones, as well as yourself.
deb
Deb, that IS treading more than on thin ice.
Love/Marriage is about giving, not about receiving, and filling our needs.
Our purpose here is SINGULAR. To save marriages. Please remember that.
sg
You gave the advice in the context of YOUR own relationship, where you stopped working on your own marriage for someone else here:
[But, he gave me one important word of advice...he told me not to settle. Bill knew what I was wanting/needing in a marriage and from a husband. He told me not to settle for anything less than what I wanted/needed.
and
FIB, I probably would have settled...not because I loved my xH or because I wanted my marriage back; but, because I thought I had to honor my vows and my commitment to my family.
honoring vows and commitment to a family is a GOOD thing....and ok if it doesn't feel good for awhile.
Deb,
I'm not challenging your decision to divorce. I'm challenging the way you presented your advice. It sounds as if you are saying, make sure you really want this person back, it might not be a good idea.
If someone comes to that decision fine. It is not our job to encourage them to get there.
Deb ... I hope this next marriage lasts forever.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
