I am here now because 3 months into my 6 month cohabitating separation, I found out about my W's affair - Thanks to Puppy Dog Tails/Chocolateeyes. We are now mediating the D Details.
I am in beyond the beyond the LRT and having issues with STBXW on how she expects me to be there for her forever after the D. Mowing her grass, paying her bills, babysitting..... and waiting for her.
I have been DBing for months and have really improved myself. She has shown absolutely no signs of wanting to reconcile. It could change but it would take her letting down so many cheerleaders for the D.
I am concentrating on me, my kids and my new life. DBing really helps you get on with life after D.
At some point, with alot of help here and from my Pastor and friends I discovered that DBing is all about self respect. Marriage is a choice evet day, not an obligation or a prison sentence. When I stopped worrying about what she was going to do then I started living again. DBing should be called Divorce Thriving. When I really got the detachment thing down , I realized that I was gonna be ok no matter what happened.
We could still get back together. I never wanted the D. If we don't it is ok. I will be fine. In the mean time I can look in the mirror and say that I did all that I could to save the M.
WAW was gone w/kids all weekend. Came home mad as a hornet last night. She was upset and frustrated with kids and the fact that they were "in her face" for 3 days. I did not even comment or react, just kissed the kids and went to bed.
She wants me "out of the house" this weekend so she can have "guests". She says that it is MIL and her sister but who knows. I don't think that she can make me leave and I am concerned about having OM in my house.
WAW came home angry because the kids were "in her face" all weekend. She usually dumps the kids with a relative or sitter when she has them but this weekend she had no choice but to be with them. That prompted her to say that she needs to look at the custody arrangements again and that I may have to take more than 50%. I will take 100% if I can get it. She told me that she now thinks that we will get back together in a few years.... after she has time and space to explore and sort things out. Why does she say things like that? She has finally agreed to move out. I looks like 8/1/08. She found an apartment locally and seems excited about it. She said this morning that she afraid to put down a deposit in case we decide to call this off. That is the first time that she has said anything about calling anything off. I said "as far as I know nothing has changed". She didn't say anything. There still may be a glimmer of doubt in her mind. We have been getting along great. A definite stage 2 for awhile now. If it wasn't for the OM, I think that there would still be hope for us. I can say that the MOST EFFECTIVE 180 that I have done was to totally accept the D, negotiate it in good faith and act like it was the greatest thing in the world. That has brought her closer to working on us than anything.
I miss my friends. Looks like I lost you moving to this Forum.
interesting you mention the good faith thing with the D. That's what seems to be happening in my sitch as well. Not the working things out part, but the fact that I'm behaving in good faith and been pleasant and friendly throughout has definitely made an impression.
Funny that this should be the case, huh?
If you have people you were participating with, just post on their threads and tell them where you're at and you'd like to continue hearing from them.
The 8/1/08 moving out date is looking good. She is financially committing to the other place today. We are still negotiating the D agreement but it is all good progress wise.
She has really opened up on details about the whole sitch. As I suspected, her Mother is making all of the decisions, paying for everything and is the primary motivation for the D. It comes up on every issue. She says "I have to talk to my Mom about it" or "My Mom wants to know X". It is amazing how she can let someone else run her life like that.
