I'm sorry you're so aggrevated! I don't blame you at all! I was also abused as a child and I don't condone hitting a child at all.
If I were you, I'd just sit S down and tell him that his attitude lately is unacceptable and he's old enough to understand that and how to try to defuse his temper, anger, etc. I would also explain that H isn't all straight in the head right now and ask him to please blow off the smacks his father choice as discipline. I only say that so he doesn't feel as small as a mouse from getting smacked in the head like that.
(((Jeff))) (((Karen))) (((Dar))) (((Michelle))) Thanks for cheering me up. Do you ever just get tired and just want to be left the hell alone? I'm so tired of this that I'm just ready to say fine, do whatever you want, just don't involve me. H called last night late and apologized for "keeping it going" between DS and I. I told him although I appreciated his trying to "fix it" that DS and I needed to come to a meeting of the minds on our own as we are the ones that have to live together day to day.
It gets so much better. DD is in daycare through her school district and they do it in sessions (each month is a session). So I saw a sign Monday that said tuition was due the 23rd. With all that I've had going on, it didn't register. So I tried to pay it yesterday and they told me to go to the Dist. Office. I went there this morning to be told that DD is now on a waiting list and today would be her last day. WTF? I have paid for daycare for 4 years and not ever been late, not once and now she is on a waiting list? Karma is not my friend these days. I have already called my 17yr old niece and asked her if she would like to make some money. I'm off next week and H is off the week after that, so she has a week or so to decide. This is just not the way I needed/wanted to start the weekend. OH WELL, as has been proven to me time and again, its really not about what we want. I'll keep you posted, I'm sure there is more drama ahead.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
(((GFI))) I wish the same for you. I'm so looking forward to having a week off. I'm going to sleep, clean out my closets, kids closets, lay out by the pool, figure out my life. In others words, just have some me time and as little PT and the Troll time as possible. We are going to meet with my friend hopefully the week after next to get H's name off of the house and she wants me to file the D papers and then she can serve him when we meet. The problem I have with this is, she doesn't want me to tell him I'm doing it. This just feels wrong to me, it feels underhanded and I'm not real comfortable with it. I know its how he acts and thats on him, its not the way I choose to operate, if that makes any sense. Does anyone have an opinion on this? Should I just go ahead and file for D secretly, let her serve him and then spring it on him later or be up front, come to a good faith agreement and then file with everyone knowing the score? That is the ideal way for me, but she thinks I'm crazy...its like a game and I hate to play games.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
If you had discussions about it in the past, I would say just file. My H had agreed we would talk about it before either one of us did anything, but of course he just did it one day. If you don't know my situation, he didn't even have the nads to tell me that he had filed!!
I think once you do file, if you haven't talked about it before hand, let him know before he gets served. He will be upset either way but with it already in process, he won't be able to sway your opinion and will know that you are serious.
Hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
What is the reasoning behind keeping the filing a secret from him (or any spouse)? Is it because his reaction might be volatile? If that's the case, wouldn't he be more volatile when you served him after you secretly filed? Maybe I'm not getting it.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
I'm one to feel it's nicer to tell them first. I've also told H that if he ever decides to file, then I'd like the respect of knowing first. I didn't want to get hit with papers that I didn't know were coming. So I'm more on board with your thinking Sugar, then how your friend wants you to do it.
