i'm clueless....

[Dom R]

Hey Ann.. glad you came back!
and congratulations on a healthy delivery!

Dom advice time...

You're in the same situation you were in before, but greater pressure.

You need to do the same things you needed to do before the birth... its just now you need to do them even more!

1. Defend boundaries for yourself: do not allow your husband to bad-mouth you unfairly: Dont let him scream at you.
If he just goes off, and has an anger management problem:
insist that he go get counselling for it.
Plus, think of ways to get him to stop yelling at you. IMMEDIATELY when he does it.

Suggestions:
water piston, air horn, ... Anything to interrupt him, that will get his attention more than you saying "stop yelling at me" (since apparently that doesnt work?)


2. Build positive time together. Get babysitters, and go do stuff with him, away from the children. waaay more than you have been doing.


And here's a new one:
Dont put him in a position where you're trying to get him to lie to you, to make you feel better about yourself.
Stop asking him how you look. Let's be honest: you're probably kinda a mess right now, and you will be for some months.
To expect otherwise, is crazy. So quit bugging him, and yourself about it, and focus on what's important: the "health" of your family.


-----


I told you that if you didnt fix things before the baby, it will be so much worse for you.
You didnt fix em... things are now much worse.

So now I'll tell you something else: If you dont put in twice the effort now, that you needed to put in before the baby... you or he will probably file for divorce within a year.

YOUR MARRIAGE IS FIXABLE!
But only if you decide you are going to change what you do around your husband!

You probably could do very well if you got some joint phone counselling together.
Not only would you benefit from the advice but I think that if you found one that you both "connected" with, then the counselling itself, could become a "joint venture" to bring you closer together.

It sounds to me like your greatest need right now, is not to overcome any intrinsic relationship difficulties, but "only" to reconnect again closely.
(which is really really difficult with a new baby.... but I think you can find a way together somehow, if you both decide to work on it)

Hang in there. Dont give up on your family.
Giving up on your marriage, is giving up on your family.