Nik - not sure if your H is like mine in this respect, but any suggestions were always taken as pressure. So, I would say stick to the "I support you whatever you decide" type stuff and play up his talents with a lot of WOA?
(((Nik))) I am so glad they seem to want him over there!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
His potentially new boss called him already at 7:30 this morning. They REALLY want him to work there. I jokingly asked "So did ya make his day and tell him you'd take it?" H said "No... not yet. He was calling to check on my racing schedule." I thought he meant the guy was coming to watch him this weekend (this guy's also a good friend of his). H said "No, to see if it will interfere with work. I told him I wanted the days before/after race weekends off and he's looking at the race schedule."
I know he has not decided for sure yet, so jak I think I'll try out your idea tonight. I'm not sure when he has to give them his decision - I know "potential new boss" is definitely pushing him. I feel so much that this could be a HUGE turning point in our M. Fingers remain crossed. And toes.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Michelle, we cross-posted yesterday and I just now realized it, sorry for the delayed reply! You make a good point about the pressure thing. Potential new boss is already putting on a TON of pressure so more from me is probably not great.
JAK - yes, he's a really good mechanic and those are extremely hard to find these days. There are lots of "just out of school" ones, but not many with as much experience and work ethic as my H has. I think a lot of them get sick of the physical labor and move onto other things too - my H likes the physical aspect though.
I can tell he's struggling so hard with this decision. He's talking like it's a done deal (i.e. thinking about how much his 'final paycheck' with current employer will be), but sometimes not in a good way. He says sadly that his current job is "the best one I've ever had." It's hard for me to bite my tongue when he says stuff like that - because this current job is also where his "unhappiness" seemed to start, and where he suddenly had young skanky women throwing themselves at every guy in the place, and 21 year olds inviting him out "bar hopping" and he started feeling "old," re-living his "youth" and such.
Anyway... I asked why he felt that way and he said because it has heat in the winter, A/C in the summer, and it's really clean. I can totally understand why those are big deals to him - but lately, he's making 1-3 hours a day. Not exactly enough to live on.
He's talked to his current company about it and they're putting some pressure on, too. He was apparently hoping they'd make some sort of counter-offer but they didn't. They said they don't want to lose him but they have too many mechanics and not enough work right now (duh). So... not exactly a "threat" but it was in a roundabout way, telling him that if he leaves they won't re-hire him anytime soon. I think he was hoping to "try out" the new job but keep the door open at the old one (ha... as I typed that I realized the irony... sound familiar at all????).
I said I was sorry about the counter-offer, and added that from my perspective the only offer of value would be guaranteeing him a certain # of hours per week anyway (something his company would NEVER do). If there's no work, there's no work - at this rate they could offer him $500 an hour and it wouldn't be enough if he can only make an hour a week (exaggeration to make the point, but a valid point for sure). He thought about that for a minute and said it was true. not much value in saying you make $XX per hour if you don't make any hours. I hope that wasn't putting even more pressure. It's a balancing act between helping him think it through vs. feeling pushed into something. He just kept repeating that he was afraid of leaving the best job he's ever had.
The "right" decision is pretty obvious but it's also one he doesn't want to make... keeping my fingers crossed, though. He has to let potential new boss know by Sunday.
Oh... another plus, last night he realized potential new employer doesn't have a retirement plan and asked me to research options for him (it's my company's specialty). Potential boss asked me to send the results of my research over - said he should probably already be offering this but H is the first person to push it. So now they may not only offer him a substantial amount of both money and work, they may also institute a retirement plan just to get him there! Wow.
OK sorry that is way too much rambling about H's job prospects. I am just so darned excited he might leave where he is now, I can't shut up about it!!
In positive R news... part of the job discussion involved us talking about how many of his co-workers are losing their cars, facing losing their homes, really struggling, and how he's so happy that "we" are in a good financial position and not facing those things. Yay!! I was furiously cooking/prepping for the races this weekend after the retirement research and he kept thanking me, telling me how much he appreciated me, etc. And even helped with some of the prep work.
Last but not least... last week he said that friend (and potential new boss actually) invited us to a 4th of July party. We always, always do something on the water for the 4th - rafting, boating, whatever. I look forward to it all year. Even the past 2 bad years, we did something together on the water, and in a couple of R talks H has told me that those were "great days" with me. So.. he told me about the invite and I got a little sad. I was contemplating my reply and finally just said "So no chance of us getting out on the water this year?" H looked disappointed (I think more because I was disappointed as opposed to because he really wanted to go - friend's party is a block party and we wouldn't know ANYONE except the host and his wife). Then he said "Well maybe" and looked thoughtful. We hadn't talked about it again, but last night, right in the midst of frantic racing prep and tough job talks, H says "I have quite the 4th planned! What do you think about a day out on a 45 foot yacht, awesome fireworks show, and running up and down the river on a dinghy?" (he knows that while I like the "hanging out on the boat" thing I'd far rather be having fun DOING something). WOW!!! I know exactly what he's talking about - his Dad's boat - but the way he was saying it all excited and like it was a "sly" plan was just so cool.
Whew... lotsa journaling there! Getting it all out before I'm offline for the weekend.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
On what to say about H and the job. I would agree no pressure, but to tell him that you know he'll make the best decision and you'll support him no matter what. tell him, you know it's a tough decision and he's smart for not being hasty and checking everything out.
your advice about the $$ per hour and guaranteed hours was really good.
Hey, and the 4th of July thing sounds really cool! IMHO, I think you should mention stopping by the potential bosses place... I mean, if you really want him to work there, I would think the more you can get H to hang out with him, the more he will feel comfortable and feel like the guy is a good friend and WANT to go work for him. ???
I'm really really excited for you though!!!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Hi all - there is SO MUCH to update but I wanted to share the two most fantastic things first:
1. The thrill of victory!!! H took first place in his race on Saturday!!! There were so many people including "old pros" that came out of the woodwork - it's absolutely amazing that he won. I'll share more soon.
2. H accepted the job offer. And is putting in his 2 weeks notice today. He is so afraid that he's making a bad decision and I have some nagging doubts too (I am THRILLED he's getting the he!! away from that place, but I'm worried he will regret it for the same reasons he is worried). I am trying to figure out the best way to support him, especially over the next month or so. It's going to be stressful around here! I REALLY hope that things continue to be very slow at his current job. If it suddenly turns around, he's going to be in a tough spot of wanting to stay there but he's already committed to the new job. No control over it though... so I'll just continue to be here for him in whatever way I can.
#3. update is, unfortunately, agony of defeat. H was in a bad wreck in his race on Sunday. It was in a spot on the track that I couldn't see from the grandstands but I knew was potentially very dangerous, and someone with a radio asked another driver what he saw, then told me "he's in the wall." I had about 15 minutes of sheer panic while I walked down to that end of the track (can't run because of my bad leg, or you know I would have been!). Turns out he hit another car, not the wall (another car is far more forgiving). H and the other driver are both completely and totally fine. I quit crying/ shaking/ hyperventilating as soon as I saw him out of the car and walking around with the safety crew. WHEW!!! The car.. well.. it's another story, and the entire front end is pretty much destroyed. Thankfully we have til October to get it fixed before the next race. At least 6 people came up after the race offering help, parts, etc. soo... fingers are crossed that it'll see the track again. Sure didn't need that added stress and it kinda dulled the excitement of his first win. I still made him filet mignon last night to celebrate the win, though.
As I mentioned lots more to update, but those are the high/lowlights for the weekend.
Thank you all for your support!!
Michelle, jak, Donna, ST, Julie - thank you for stopping by!!
ST - you had a couple specific things I wanted to reply to.
I've been trying to do what you described on the job thing. I actually didn't talk to him about it a lot (intentionally) - just asked "so what are you thinking" anytime he mentioned it, and did a lot of agreeing with his points. I sure hope this turns out to be the right choice.
About the new boss (now planned instead of potential! ) - they're actually already very good friends, and he's pretty excited to work with/for this guy. I'd agree on the stopping by just for "brownie points" except for the timing. We'd either have to skip the boating plan, or ask his Dad to take us back to the dock, drive about 90 minutes to the party, another 90 minutes back to the river... I think it'd pretty much kill the day. I was thinking about suggesting we invite new boss and his W over for a BBQ later in the weekend though (reciprocate the invite and still hang out with them, but get to keep our 4th plans... win win, hopefully).
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
