I haven't been around very much. Dealing with a lot of crap in my own life.
I taught 5th grade for 3 years and I hated it! The room full of hormones got to be more than I could take. Girls were crying, boys were fighting...it was awful. I finally was able to transfer to 2nd grade and I am MUCH happier. I feel for you and cat having 9-10 year old.
I am sure it was hard to call the abuse hotline and give them the information on the mother of your children. It was the right thing to do. The 9 year old might have been alright alone but never be in charge of younger siblings.
Maybe a cheap phone would be a good thing for your daughter to have in case of emergency. I tell my students that they can keep them turned off and in their backpacks because I understand that something might happen where they need it. But the school has a no cell phone policy (I sort of fudge on that rule)
I've been thinkig and praying for you a lot Jeff and sorry to come in here and read about these latest developments.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Sara, thank you: I've been thinkig and praying for you a lot Jeff
My day started getting better this afternoon, AC unit will not cost $3400 but on $1800, I called and talked to AC repair man my W was talking to and found out I'll be ok with the $1800 coil replacement.
W called me excited about a job interview she has on Monday, W said she couldn't wait to tell me about the job and her interview. When I got home I told her I was happy for her. Trying to keep positive attitude towards her and be the bigger person in this situation.
I still don't expect her to ever return to me, but I know I'll be ok. Softball league I signed up for at work I ended up on a team I didn't know anyone, part of GAL, meeting new people, coed teams so I'm meeting a lot of nice girls too. We are 4 and 1 and we are in first place on Wednesday night league.
I wish I didn't have to go through all this crap, and I know I'll eventually have to file for D, and I hope my W doesn't want to fight me on my main points, I get the house vs. trade off of she doesn't have to pay child support. I get full custody of the kids and she can have them every other weekend, L says this is standard and I can let W have them more if I want, I will tell W I will not stand in her way and she can have the kids whenever she wants. She'll get 1/2 of my 401K, I get the new mini-van, she'll take my 1997 Ford F-150 truck (in great shape)
Comments - suggestions I have plenty of time
I need to keep moving forward with my life
Well "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" I hear whistling in my head. I'll find love again someday. I'm going to be happy, helpful, forgiving, patient and loving. I'm a stubborn old German.
We all have a long haul ahead of us, good or bad it's the path we choose in life that's important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
The only suggestion I would have would be for you to have one or two alternate plans in mind. You have always struck me as a guy who is incredible singleminded in purpose, which -- believe me -- I respect the hell out of. But I would like to see you have some sort of contingency plans if things do NOT play out the way you think they will.
Your wife is in a volatile, UNPREDICTABLE mode right now. Plan accordingly.
Just caught up a little with your thread and wanted to say how sorry I am for you that you are in this situation. I seem to be in a similar situation to you and I can really empathise. I know you commented on my own thread, thank you for that.
With regards to forgiving, one of my favourite speakers, Joyce Meyer, says that not forgiving someone is like making them a poisonous drink and then drinking it yourself!!! It always encourages me to let my H go in every way.
Prayer for today - Father let me learn what You want me to learn through this difficult time. May my journey through the wilderness last 11 days, may I not go round and round for 40 years. As I learn to release _________, may You release the blessing in my life. Amen
Am thinking of you.
Me:36 M:16 D final: 08/09 Ds:10&5 Ss:8&3 Bomb 3xPA 200 sexual encounters 15/06/08
Really sorry, but I just found out what the new abbreviation was - Jeff you are very funny - LOL! Hope you don't mind me laughing, it's more of a laughing/crying thing...!
Me:36 M:16 D final: 08/09 Ds:10&5 Ss:8&3 Bomb 3xPA 200 sexual encounters 15/06/08
But I would like to see you have some sort of contingency plans if things do NOT play out the way you think they will.
that is very sound advice. I had all my ducks in a row and my plans well made and slam! stbx didnt' accept my offer even when I thought it was a good one.
Put a price on everything (house vs. child support) and see if indeed is a fair trade, her L will make sure to get every number right and you might find out that what she could give you in CS either exceeds or is under the right amount in comparison to the price of the house/mortgage. If the numbers are fairly close then you'll know it's a good deal which she'll most likely take. My stbx fought me about the house, said it was worth way more than what it was, I had to get an informal appraisal before I paid him off. Over all it does seem like a good plan, just check your figures sugar.
Quote:
and she can have the kids whenever she wants
umm, no hon, don't tell her this, or you'll end up with her taking the kids with no notice during days you had plans, during holidays which fall on "your" days, trust me, you need a well set up schedule or you'll get major grief, you have no idea how she'll behave when D time comes( I'm not suggesting you are not supposed to be flexible, just dont' give her carte blanche about visitation.) Look at Star for example, she was hoping her H would sign her agreement and be out of her hair--but now he's turned into a big jerk who is making her life hard.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I agree with Cat about that too. We started out like that, and H would just come whenever I guess he wasn't busy with OW or whatever he was doing. So when he had a free moment he then would come to visit; I kind of think that is way too convenient for them and inconvenient for us LBS (having to try to figure out stuff basically according to their schedules all the time).
I recently asked my H to give me a set schedule of when he will visit each week while we are separated so I can make plans and that kind of thing. And I think it makes it more "real" that they can't just drop in when they don't happen to have a date for the night. Karen
Jeff, you have taken the high through all of your sitch. Please try to search for the forgiveness.
I think that treating her with the little bit of love you still have left for her, will help you.
She sure doesn't make it easy, though, and really doesn't deserve how nice you DO treat her. It is difficult, but you have to try to maintain the relationship for the kids sake.
And for your own sanity.
And the letting her see the kids anytime? Your sitch is different. Roomie and I have told each other the same. Just not as they please, though.
Praying for you, dude.
Last edited by hopeful4her; 06/27/0804:22 PM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Subpoena her bank and credit card statements, to show she cannot handle money. Subpoena her cell phone records and e-mail records to prove she is with OM. Subpoena her apartment lease to show she moved out. Subpoena neighbors and friends as character witnesses, neighbor has see W crawling up the back stairs more than once coming home drunk. Others have had to drive her home, she cannot get kids to put on their seatbelts (they don't listen to her) and on and on and on. This is all documented by witnesses along with her leaving the kids at the park the other day. Subpoena parish priest to document that he never sees W at church but does see me every Sunday with the kids. Subpoena W's police/insurance records to show how many times a claim has been filed against her for traffic relates accidents. I won't subpoena all these people, I'll get statements and tell judge that I can produce these people.
She has already agreed to: I get the new mini-van, she'll take my 1997 Ford F-150 truck (in great shape). She cannot handle kids and they cramp her social life: I get full custody of the kids and she can have them every other weekend, L says this is standard and I can let W have them more if I want, I will tell W I will not stand in her way and she can have the kids whenever she wants. She wants � of my 401K and I'm willing to accept this.
Only possible sticking point is my request that I get the house vs. trade off of she doesn't have to pay child support and since she cannot force me and the kids out of the house if I have full custody why not just give up the house, if not, she can collect when they are all 18 and all out of the house and I will go after her to pay child support immediately. If I have to garnish her wages for child support payments I will. I'm paying her medical/health insurance and car insurance, those will stop and if she agrees to give the me the house I'll give her a small stipend to help defray the cost of her insurance.
Cat, W is really scared of not being able to see the kids. My L says, the court will insist that we set a schedule every other week, etc. to fall back on when there are problems. I can tell W she can have them whenever, it will not be in writing, and I am willing to work with W on this issue, under certain guidlines.
Hey Happycamper, Thanks for checking in on me,
Quote:
Happycamper: not forgiving someone is like making them a poisonous drink and then drinking it yourself!!! It always encourages me to let my H go in every way.
WARNING - VENTING AHEAD
I hope time will heal my wounds. Soon W will not be over at my house everyday and I'll only see her once maybe twice a week. I am still relatively new at this, 6 - 8 months and I am still relatively angry with W. I know I have to forgive her, but what she did is unthinkable, it's crazy I have to forgive her for something she did to me and the kids. I don't know how everyone here is able to do this (forgive). I mad as hell and want nothing to do with her (who wants to be around a liar and a cheat) the site of her makes me sick.
Hope I didn't scare you off, Happycamper, please stop by anytime and check in on the angry man from Missouri.
I'm really not angry all the time, The kids and I have fun, I'm having fun at softball, meeting a lot of new people. I'll be fine and find love again, just want that liar/cheat of a W out of my life as much as possible.
We all have a long haul ahead of us, good or bad it's the path we choose in life that's important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
before I can start dealing with the hormone things.