Hope4us struggle, part 6

[Hope4us]

Is it weird? Maybe, but I see nothing but good. I mean, 6 months ago she couldn't stand to be in the same room as me even if I had clothes on and now she doesn't have a problem being next to me in varying stages of undress.

If it bothered her she could wait 5 minutes and I'd be pretty much done getting ready. So I see it as a very positive sign that she "wants" to be in the room while I'm sans clothes. Cause if we're ever going to get to the intimate part again, it'll have to be the first step, don't you think?

[Sakaro]

I'd start locking the door too, or like I posted before try walking in on her and see what the reaction is. Would you want your roomate to walk in while you were naked?...right now is that exactly what your wife is. I think you should treat her like a roomate until she realizes that she misses being your wife. Until that happens she wont ever begin to try fixing the mess she has made of things.

You are now the friendly, helpful, good listner and active father that most women would love to have in their lives. She may be starting to wonder who this new guy is but she has created many years in her mind of you being a controlling, uninterested, selfish jerk. Those feelings wont be erased overnight. She is beginning to open up and want to be around you because IMO you have detached a little bit.

That seems to be working well so why not turn it up? Get out! Have fun and let her wonder what you are up to.

[Hope4us]

I appreciate yours and Puppy's comments on this, and maybe I'm stubborn or doing the wrong thing, but I'm not going to lock the door.

You said "you are now the friendly, helpful, good listener and active father that most women would love to have in their lives". So if she is starting to wonder who this new guy is after what she's created, I'm not going to change what I'm doing. And one of the things is letting us be more of a "couple". And getting ready together in the morning is a couples thing.

Don't worry, I'm still in my detachment mode. No ILY's, no goodnights, no good bye's in the morning. I never IM or email her first. If she IM's me (which she does daily now) I'm always the one to end the conversation because "I've got something I need to get done before lunch or the end of the day". I had planned on going out tonight but some nasty storms blew in so I skipped it. Going out tomorrow night though.

Besides the coming in the master in the mornings, I think I'm doing exactly what you and Pup advise, and I agree, it seems to be working. And I ain't changin it!

Besides, one of these days she won't be able to resist this hot bod and she'll be all over me like white on rice!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4U,

Please don't misunderstand. Whatever you decide to do on the "nekked" thing is a small thing. I just think it's weird. But you're doing a GREAT job, and playing it right down the line, in my humble opinion.

Puppy

[Hope4us]

Thanks Pup. Last night was another very good night. We talked and talked. WW was making some casserole thing to take into work this morning and I was watching the NBA draft and she was even yelling in from the kitchen making comments on the draft. This is from a woman that doesn't know OJ Mayo from Helman's Mayo.

Anyway, I think the limbo land that is H4U's life may have come to a radical decision point. DS16 is in our hometown for a week or so staying with his best friend. Last night at 2 am he TM'd me and asked if I could arrange a transfer back to our hometown. WOW. DS16 has always said he really likes it here and didn't want us moving until after he graduated. This has always been WW's fall back answer when I'd ask her "wouldn't it be best for all of us if we moved back to hometown?" She'd say, DS16 likes it here and I'm not pulling him out of a school he likes and away from the friends he's made.

I've always wondered if she was using that as an excuse to stay here because OMW told me that OM had told her a while ago that he might get transferred back here in a couple years. Wow, perfect timing, WW saves her money "acting" like she's trying with me, DS16 graduates from schoool, WW says "see kids, I've tried for 2 years and me and Dad just don't have it, she files for divorce and OM returns and she says to the kids, "I told you OM had nothing to do with our trouble, but see how happy OM makes me".

But now that DS16 wants to move home, WW won't have that excuse anymore. Now she'll either have to put up or shut up.

DS16 did TM WW last night asking her the same thing and she told him he'd have to talk to me. So I'm thinking this is good for ole H4U either way. My boss has told me he would arrange a transfer for me if I wanted it. DS16 wants to go. If WW says she wants to stay then I'll know what her plan is and DS16 and I can move on with our lives. If she says she'll go with us, I'll know it's over for good with OM and she's willing to really give us a shot!

Man, this is going to be a good Friday. I talked with WW for a couple minutes this morning. Asked her if DS16 TM'd her and she said yes, at 2 am, and 3 am....kind of in an I'm really tired voice, but not angry or disappointed in his TM.

I can't believe how good I feel. Seems like the end of limbo land for H4U!

[Dr LOve]

Morning Hope4,

It's been awhile.. Looks like this year both of us will be seing changes..good or bad anything is beter than this limbo....

talk to ya soon

Husband

[Hope4us]

Thanks H. I can't believe how good I feel. I guess I never realized how much the limbo was affecting me.

It's put up or shut up time for WW. Funny, I think it might be good for me. We'll see, but first thing this morning WW is IM'ing me at work. I guess I would think if she was upset about DS16 wanting to move to our hometown thus messing up her plan I would picture her being angry, non communicative etc, but it's not been like that. Maybe she's seen the light.

I was talking to my good friend Deb last night and I told her what was going on lately and she said when her affair had ended and she started realizing how she really did love her H it still took her 2-3 weeks to admit to him she F'd up and wanted to do anything to make it work. I see a lot of similarities with my sitch. It's been a week or so of VERY GOOD communication/interaction between WW and I. Hopefully this latest development will push her to make her decision. Either way I feel great that I won't be in this freakin limbo land too much longer.

Thanks for the comment.

[Dr LOve]

Ya I knowwhat you mean. I feel the same way about going to retro in 2 weeks. This is it for me a year is toooo long to be in this state..I would rather have been in a coma...

you said:

"I guess I would think if she was upset about DS16 wanting to move to our hometown thus messing up her plan I would picture her being angry, non communicative etc, but it's not been like that. Maybe she's seen the light."

I think I know what you are thinking here... there have been a few things that My W has done that made me “think” the same thing BUT...I can't let my guard down now. I can't fall into that "comfort Zone".

I will not really feel she has seen the light until I KNOW she has seen the light.

Hey it's Friday.....

Have a great weekend

Husband

[Hope4us]

Thanks H. It's been about a year since I first started getting worried at their "friendship" and coming up on a year when she finally admitted it to me.

Been the worst year of my life and I'm ready for it to be over, one way or another.

I know what you mean about not getting too comfortable. Even though I'm encouraged, I'm not letting myself get too high because the fall is too hard.

Good luck at Retro. I've asked my WW to go and she refused, but that was 3 months ago. If she agrees to move back to our hometown with DS16 and I maybe I'll suggest it again as her moving would show me she's somewhat serious about trying us and OM is no longer in the picture.

[whatdidido]

hope,

What is getting me through this the most is being able to talk to all of you. Would your W be willing to read any of the books that have been recommended? (Not just friends, Divorce Remedy?) These books help me. I have to continue to reread certain parts every time I am floundering. Even if you could copy a few pages for her to read. Maybe ask her if she is interested in reading something that might help her right now????? H and I are going to Retrovaille in a few weeks and it can't come soon enough. I wish I had been able to go sooner. We really need something to get us going in the right direction, and hearing other people in the same spot as us with techniques to share will really help us.

I'm glad last night was a good night for you. I love those nights. Be ready.......any thought of OM sparks feelings of anger toward the husbands and OM reminders are everywhere right now.....very fresh.....

DOn't give up on her.....time, time, time