Well... your goal was to "reconnect". He's talking, Ingrid. It doesn't appear that there were any new "bombs", but rather he wants to come clean and stop living a lie.
I understand what you're saying about being hooked on the "drama". As intense as some of our initial <ahem> conversations got, the cathartic feeling of getting it all out and getting through it was amazing. The make-up sex incredible.
For a while after things got more "normal" I was more afraid than ever that we were headed back to the place where it could happen again. We aren't the same people anymore though, and we never will be.
As for living with fear. I'm guessing that most of us realize at this point that we never had any guarantees. If you are afraid now, in this relationship after all the disclosure, wouldn't you be afraid in a new one? Would you trust someone else more just because there is no prior history?
Obviously your H has some work to do to assuage your fears and give you the reassurance you need if you can trust him with your heart again.
Can we trust without taking things for granted? Should we be able to take some things for granted?
I think you can find excitement in normal life to replace the drama once you get past the withdrawl from the drama-drug. Don't borrow trouble; if he says he isn't "settling"-- he's not... although everybody "settles", in real life, once in a while. Don't they?
You write better tipsy than I do sober. Bleah. Have you looked for a golf league you can join together? We used to sign up for those charity "scrambles" where ya get to use best ball to take off the pressure. But that's 'cause we pretty much suck at golf.
Oh.. still trying to figure out the question you posed from your book club. I think I totally agree with you, but since I don't know the context I can't be absolutely sure..... but, ok. I agree. You are right and they are wrong. So there.
Now, it's a beautiful morning in crawFISH country (they call 'em crawdad's somewhere... I confused crawdads, crawfish, and crayfish when I first moved here but if you call them anything but crawfish or mudbugs[how yummy], they look at you like you have two heads.) and I have some new bachelors buttons to plant before the daily rain.
Have a lovely day... I'll check back later to see how you feel about it all when you're sober :-)
