There has to be that time when I (we) will not accept bad behavior. Forgiveness is wonderful but it can be at the detriment of my own psyche.
This thread is spawned from some recent interactions with my childrens mom and a GF. With the kids mom I tend to swallow my tongue and ignore but that is being pushed toward its limit. With the GF, or ex GF I dunno, lying is where I seem to be drawing the line.
I find myself being pulled toward old behavior and feelings. The fix it mentality and what can I do to make it better. Crap I hate that.
So I write this as a reminder as to how much and what i've been through before. I can't fix what I didn't break!!
Besides all that my thoughts still drift back to the one who brought me to these boards in the first place 2 yrs. ago.
So the question I have for myself is "what do I do now?"
Sit still Forget and move on Or what?????
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
Still having problems with the boys mom, she is acting more like she did 8 plus years ago towards me. No communication with me just dictating and trying to go around me to grandparents, my parents. So I vent and mull over what is worth butting heads about.
The GF is down the road as i've tried to help her out through some tough times both emotionally and financially. BIG MISTAKE, I should know better!
So my thoughts and feelings are back to the ex. I'm confused about this though, should I squelch this or roll with it? I can't have contact nor do I feel a desire either. It's more like a soft compassion and caring for a beloved friend.
That's the toughest part about drawing a line when emotions are involved, the line is blurred and often moves.
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
So the question I have for myself is "what do I do now?"
Sit still Forget and move on Or what?????
cire
cire,
Why do you have to decide anything right now? When I am not certain, I just like to step back and see what happens....
Take Care,
NMD
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
As usual never speak to soon! Still the ongoing struggle with boys mom and still thinking of the one who brought me to these boards, but did have a reconcilliation with GF, for a bit anyway.
We had been having great interaction together and spending time together. Yesterday she had me over for dinner and told me to bring comfortable clothes as to stay over. This wasn't unusual, staying over, but first time she told me to bring clothes. I asked if I could bring anything to go with dinner and she gave me a list of things which I brought.
Now we had a wonderful time fixing food together, great conversation and playful banter. It was a wonderful meal and was commented by the both of us that this is how things should go between us. We then got comfortable on the couch to enjoy the rest of the evening and everything seemed perfect.
Not so fast, I had moved to the other end of the couch because her cigarette smoke bothered me and she politely said she'd go in the other room to smoke. Great, huh? After a bit she comes back into the living room and tells me I have to leave. HUH! Or at least go into the bedroom for a bit while a friend of her roommates comes over. HUH! again!! "Oh wait he won't stop if he sees your car." What the?, As I'm trying to process..
Something about having to talk about a wrecked car, but by now astonishment is turning to anger and I quietly grab my bag and leave without saying anything but call me. On my way out she tells me I can leave the bag and come back in a bit. WTH is all I can think of at this point. So I hop in the car and drive off.
Imagine my thoughts and you can guess all that went through my mind, so I drove around not knowing what to do. After about 5 minutes I get a text saying I have every right to be sssoooo pissed and if I had done that to her she would never forgive me but she doesn't know what to do. Again...WTF!!!
I truly was at a total loss 10:30 at night and emotions galore. I ended up driving around for an hour and then drove back by and there wasn't any other car so I went to the door and she answered. Inside she comes clean that this was a friend who had called and said he was coming by. She then tells me that she is sorry and he had texted her that he came by and saw my car so he was going home. She tells me that hurt her and she didn't realize she had those feelings and nothing ever has happended between them.
Needless to say i'm hurt, I do not get angry but have questions, some kinda answered but mostly her crying and fetal position on the couch. It's better I leave and she says we'll talk today, so I go home. Crappy night sleeping, go figure.
Today i'm on the road and text her kind caring words. She responds with how can I be so sweet considering what she did. A couple texts later after she asks if I can still be her friend I call her. I keep it caring and when it comes to her explaining, the tears come again and she says can we talk about that later?
Of course, so we let it be and she says she'll call me later. I still haven't heard.
What i've learned;
She says she loves me... ok???
She thinks the OM is done with her... ok, didn't think anything happended???
She did say that she would like to see if her feelings were reciprocated by him when I pushed with what she wanted. I know "bad form".
She is an emotional mess right now.
I have feelings for her that have grown over the past 9 months because I was keeping my walls high. She said "loves me" a long while ago and I told her I was being very cautious for this exact reason. She understood and I had finally started to let my walls down.
I know this is long winded but I desperately ask...
NOW WHAT!!!
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
I know this is long winded but I desperately ask...
NOW WHAT!!!
Live your life as if the relationship is over. She's obviously very confused, and frankly, it doesn't sound as if she knows what she wants. If the relationship with OM is truly over, and if there was never anything physical to begin with, then why is she ditching you for him? It sounds as if it's only when things didn't work out that she opened up to you and even that didn't sound very sincere.
I realize that all we have is your take on what happened, but if what you write is accurate, then she has much work to do on herself before she would be ready for a healthy relationship with anyone. You already said that you know she lies to you, so why would you even consider any of this healthy, and why would you want to put yourself in this position? Do you somehow think that you don't deserve anything better? Cause I gotta tell you, better is out there.
I realise memorial day is passed but I was thinking of the many uncounted tragedies around us everyday, and the impact situations and circumstances have on everyone.
This is my cousins son and I know there are many many more just like him in all aspects of life.
May God Bless!
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Last edited by Tia; 08/27/0906:26 AM.
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
I"m still with you. Do what you have told me to do...go back to Hoyt's clip. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
>Subject: the dog, cat & rat > > > > >This video says it all! > >Can't we all just get along:) This was very interesting! > >This is a video of one of the homeless in Santa Barbara and his pets. They >work State Street every week for donations. The animals are pretty well fed >and are mellow. They are a family. The man who owns them rigged a harness >up for his cat so she wouldn't have to walk so much (like the dog and >himself). At some juncture the rat came along, and so no one wanted to eat anyone >else, the rat started riding with the cat and often, on the cat. The dog
>will stand all day and let you talk to him and admire him for a few chin >scratches. The mayor Santa Barbara filmed this clip and sent it out as a >Christmas card.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
