Looking for support from other WAS's

[lost3031]

Flipper, I might be able to give you a little insight as to your wife's "calm and collected" attitude. More likely than not, she is anything but calm and collected inside. My H also says that about me, and also that it seems like I'm doing fine and that this whole sitch doesn't seem to be bothering me at all. That couldn't be further from the truth! I am a complete mess inside and I am constantly hurting. Sometimes the pain is so great I can barely make myself get out of bed in the morning. That calm and collected demeanor is just a front - you're right in that we put a wall up around our hearts and emotions. I call it "going into emotional shutdown." It's a defense mechanism on our part. The really weird part? When H mentioned this the last time, I told him that I thought it was funny that he notices this "wall" now but he never noticed it the last 3 years of our marriage...