Trying ... well if you can call it that, I guess.

[Abbey]

Wifey,

Every day IS a struggle. Trying is an active sport. The littlest of things can just dump a big wet blanket on your head eh?

Every time I go to the grocery store, I'm reminded of H. Last summer was the first and only time before that we had ever been to that store... it was together and in a much happier time. So much happened, so much melted down SO quickly for he and I... it feels like your life has been ripped out of your hands.

I still find the detaching thing comes and goes. H and I are meeting for breakfast next week. I broke down and phoned him... (logistics about a few pending things needed to be talked about)... he did have a legit reason that he could have called me for last week... and didn't, that hurt. Anyway we talked for about 15 mins. I found myself on the verge of tears the whole time. Dealing with it, detaching or not,... doing "well" at it or just starting STILL can suck the life out of ya.

I'm caught between *where and for how long* to give him his total space and where I do I become his "friend" again... and pour it on, if you know what I mean. I know I'm not ready yet,... I need to have my own set of...er... "balls" back in place before I can do this and deal with the downs and failures and rejections that will come with it initially and during that process. (If I ever get there that is.) I suppose that leaving that "door" opened 1/4 of an inch has the capacity to exhaust. No wonder "detaching" is so important... mental health.

Abbey