How Much BS do I believe?!

[pisces9]

update:
H and I spoke casually yesterday as we got an offer accepted on our cabin or sale
I let him make all the decisions about it..we talked for 8 minutes- very short- he seemed like he wanted to jump off the phone.

i was ok with it

my DB coach had said to act like casual friends ......so i texted him today to meet for lunch...i said no biggie if u cant...i was very casual.

he replied shortly and said workin. sorry and sent a picture of his new ride at work (police)....

it was so cool! he really took an effort to reply and show me how excited he is w work...i replied with a very happy text and said i was so happy for him...

so now the ball is in his court f he wants to "hang out"...

VERY CASUAL...i wanted to take the pressure off him bc of our HUGE talk last week.

i dont want him to think that we have to have a HUGE R talk...bc i actually dont

anyway- i really felt PMA and like he was being nice and friendly.

BABY STEPS

on the up and up!

[Tink]

Hi you are GREAT!!!

Tink

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Good Pisces.

Good job. The ball is in his court, let him return it, before you send another text or call.

[pisces9]

thanks!
yes- i feel good and i like that the ball is in his court....
i dont like it when its in my court!

ps. I feel so much better today- i went back to english horseback riding lessons today for the 1st time in a year and i feel so enlightened and happy!

horses are amazing creatures! i love it and i feel so calm and proud of myself

thanks for your words of encouragement !

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Hey Fish,

Kid Glove time.

On my post you said you did what you were supposed to, but he didn't. That is fair enough.

What in your marriage didn't you do? What are your failings? And what are you working on to correct? We all have them. What were his complaints prior to MLC.

[pisces9]

i know- i meant to add that i know i have many things to change.

I didnt listen to him- really hear him- i thought i was but i now know it wasnt enough.
I am too connected to my family (fam business, $, proximity, etc.) although I thought we were working to fix this?
He said we were drifting apart and didnt have anything in common..

He had been depressed for months before this and asked for a Therapist for help- i gave him some #'s but he never called- i didnt pressure him about this.

[pisces9]

I am working to correct:
REALLY listening and hearing him and staying quiet and shutting up.
I am letting him make any decisions with very little feedback regarding our cabin sale.
I am praising him and acknowledging him for everything under the sun when I get a chance.
I am giving him the gift of space and time.
I am loving, unconditionally.
I am understanding where I mismanaged my connection w my family.

[Neilh23]

Great list pisces.....now....as forrest would say to me...how would you make those into goals? I'm not much of a help there. still looking for a list like that myself..LOL...actually, there are many similarities we have in our lists....:-)

[Confused???]

Hi - I'm new.

Just kind of jumping around trying to find situations similar to mine. Wanting input as to how to handle certain situations.

I have a DB coach I have spoken with once. Suggested the LRT. Trying very hard to do this, not an easy task. I see myself on that emotional rollercoaster that Pisces is on because I believe everything he tells me, so I find myself sitting and waiting on that phone call or text message. Or, having a wonderful day GAL & then all those emotions take over for a day or so, then day not so good.

H is going through MLC (I think he is, anyway), also living with OW.

Hope you don't mind me popping in. Have enjoyed the posts, have made me take a step back & get a new perspective on things I guess you could say.

Thanks!!

[pisces9]

LRT is good for a period of time to just get away from the raw emotions.

my DB coach set me on a diffrernt path now but my sitch is different than yours.

i am still a little distant but i am acting like casul friedns w my H.

i mean very casual- ver little conatct- unless he wants to get together.

i have my very bad days and very good days.

i do not show my bad days at all to my H. as far as he knows i am calm as a cucumber and enoying life and learning a lot about myself.

my freinds get my calls, i come here and vent, i cry if i need to and i work out to get it out.

we are human- you cant expect to not have bad days- just repsect yourself on those days and relize it will pass. and dotn involve your H in those feelings unless you were closed off emotionally before this.