another date set today!

[jandn]

Yes I saw that you posted and I was like "yes, this is going to be great from sandi" But then I start reading and get shot down. But that is ok I am going to explain to you what you asked.

Yes there have been parts where I have said I just waiting for that time where I am able to hold, hug and kiss W and tell her how much I love and miss her.

We actually kinda detached about the same time once W said she was taking D off hold early May. I went dark, then a couple weeks later W seemed to go dark also until this past weekend, that is the sex I was talking about how W asked "once last time?" That was on Sunday, then comes over lastnight and she brought that event up about if I regretted it and so forth. We did have sex back in april a couple times, once after a hard night drinking for her, then she appeared in my bed another night.

The going out to dinner is her doings. Seems like anytime I would ever try to set something up, my plans arent ever good enough. Its like W has all the control, so I just go with it to a certain extent. I know you arent suppose to accept all offers, just some, but there really hasnt been many lately.

I was trying to do both, journal and seek advice. I know I never set any goals, I am not good at that. I know you know the ultimate goal, but that doesnt count, its the little ones leading up to that.

DivorceCare is a 13 week support group and that is the book they use. W started getting emotional and talking about the emotions she has been going though lately, and I thought it was just me. I showed her that part in there, and she commenced to go through the whole book which is only about half done. I was under the impression W already went through what I was going through and was healed, ready to move on.

This is where I get confused. Going to the C, she suggests some things I try and sometimes they go against DB. A couple of months ago, C said start going to this support group and leave that book laying around and maybe W will look at it. W hasnt lived her since mid Jan but was coming over in the morning for the kids a couple times a week. The people at the support group said yea, she can come here now or when you are done. So, I tried to comfort W in her time of need that she ought to go to one of these groups to be around people that are having the same feelings she is. I didnt push it or not, one thing lead to another in showing her that workbook.

On another token about the C, she suggested yesterday that since nothing else has been working, maybe W wants me maybe to beg for her this and that. The C has meet my wife a few times and has got a pretty good feel for her personality. C "primarily utlizes cognitive-behavioral, solution-focused, supportive and play therapy." and is at a christian based facility.

About DB, yes in my first posts from back in Feb, I screwed up. I dont think I had been on here and came across DB and bought a copy for her and checked one out for myself from the library before W even filed. W even told her dad about me buying the book and how I never use to read and that I had good intentions about the book and working on our marriage. I saw the title and thought "this is us, will be good for us to read". Little did I know I that both parties werent suppose to read it so I messed up before I had a chance to find this and do research on the book.

Thank you for taking the time to try and help me. Its like no matter what move I make or dont make, its the wrong thing and has always been that way with my W. C even pointed that out one time that W probably has this list in the back of her head, and I do 100 good things, but 1 bad thing or something that reminds W of the old me, poof its gone and everything you have done is forgotten.

W did text mid morning and said "thank you for the gifts!" but through text you dont know how to perceive that. But I havent responded since then, and know tomorrow W will text me or call me telling me that her mom has the kids and I can pick them up after work from her.