Well, just got back from an evening out. W probably thinks I went to a bar but I just went out to prove to myself that I could without going to the bar. Got iced tea and read theads.
Still looking for advice on GAL issue. Any thoughts?
Also, I am feeling the need to really detach from W. Any thoughts when there are two kids and she still lives here?
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
W nagged and nagged for me to stop smoking and now she's smoking.
She actually just popped into my room a second ago and I got busted typing this on my blackberry. She's probably wondering what I am up to. Good. Well, her id badge fell off the lanyard and she can't find it and was wondering if I had seen it. Uh, no. Not that curt of a response but come on. You want this not me. Go find it yourself. You want to be independent...don't ask for my dependency.
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
2A just started crying again and while I was calming him down and getting ready to change his diaper...W appears and wants to take over. I told her that I had it under control and she snapped that I haven't let her take care of the kids for a week. I thought that is what you wanted and BTW, where have you been all week...that's right. You leave and come home late. Geesh!
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Well, I got up this morning and started to get 2S and 4D ready. When kids were settled and eating breakfast, W asked when am I going to let her take care of her kids. I said she can whenever she would like and that I am enjoying the time and responsibility of taking care of our kids and we can do some of these things together. She quipped, since when...last week? And I said no, I have always. She then went for the jugular and said that she shouldn't be the one in the downstairs bedroom. Again, need to take a step back and remember to think before I speak...but I just responded, you are the one that wants this, not me and I let it at that and left the room.
Things were tense for a few more moments but then calmed down. She said that she would be heading over to friends directly after work and asked if I needed the address. I said no, because I have your cell and I will call that if I need to.
On the way out the door, 4D started melting down because she wanted to take a sucker to school with her. I reminded her of the rules but as you parents know, didn't matter. In anycase, W helped me get the kids into my car and 4D asked W, are you riding with us? When W responded no, 4D had another meltdown.
My fear is that 4D is beginning to pick up on some things. She asked the other morning why W was using the downstairs bathroom and has asked a few other things that tells me she senses something is wrong. How have others in my sitch handled these inquiries? I know the more she asks the more guilt my W will feel and I don't know if that is helpful to my cause or not?
Thoughts?
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Why does my live in WAW feel the need to tell me where she is going when she leaves. She asked me this morning if I needed the address oh where she would be and I said no, I have your cell if I need you.
Us this a trust test?
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
First night in this sitch where wife won't be home until am. Over at girlfriends drinking...probably for the Better as there are checkpoints tonight. Can't enen complain much as I have had my fair share of drunken nights albeit it was with joint friends at the house.
4d will be wondering why mommy wasn't home all night or when she gets up.
I dread the questions from 4d. She is beginning to sense that the home and family that she knows and loves is changing.
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Does anyone have any advice on W thanking me for letting her crash over eventhough she didn't ask? Or if W says I hope you didn't mind? I am lost and do not want to say anything that aggravates the sitch. Tia! LS
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Well W cornered me for a R talk. She even had a friend over to mind the kids. She wanted to know my feelings about the sitch which I complied to a degree. I wa actually very empathetic and managed to get her to talk about her feelings. The number one issue is that she believes she can't have intimate feelings regardless of everything else but is happy and knows that my changes would be permanent if I so choose. She's scared and afraid and feels that she can only be happy if she is independent of me to start a new career, life etc...I told her my vierwa what I thought and what I wanted. She enen brought up that she is just at fault as I am. She loves me and cares for me knows that we will forever be connected because of the kids but she has already emotionally left and needs to D. I said that is not what I want and that. My c had me on a variant of LRT told me to avoid R talk but to engage in small talk. Thing is I felt like I was cornered and had no choice. It was a good conversation for both of us emotionally and we both are in the same place afterwards. Now I feel that I need a 2X4 and to go dark to the best that I can being that she is still living at gume downstairs and we have 2 kids. Did I do much damage by having this talk? Please someone?
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
Hope this finds you well - sounds like you have a lot of changes afoot.IMO be careful that you don't set yourself up with a set of changes you cannot maintain - or else you'll have a hard fall up ahead. Its very tempting early on in a sitch to get over enthusiastic with what is reasonable to take on - your W's POV is that you have not been pulling your weight - that right? You realise that's the case but cos your head's in a spin you take on everything.
I suggest to slow down a bit and look not to take on everything but to achieve a fair divvy up of the stuff that needs doing. Think about what it is that you want to show your W - that you love doing housework, changing nappies etc ? Or that you're prepared to take your share? Take time to look at stuff a little more closely and this will help you fine-tune your 180s.
I don't think you had any option on the talk and under the circumstances it sounds like you made a good job of it. In fact - her taking some responsibility was probably a surprise for you? My view is that the going dark stuff is not right - I've become a great fan of the marriage builders and better men principles and would encourage you to look at these to develop a combined approach.
Best - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
Thx GFI! She was turned off by my C and doesn't want to try not even for the kids to make sure that this is her best choice. She is very scared...of her future, telling her parents etc.. But wants to begin moving forward not slowing down. She has been staying out to not have to think about it. My concern is that our state is a 90 day process and once she makes up her mind, it is hard to change.
It's off though because she said she has been gone for 6 months...why the talk about a dual cemetery stone. Why the talk about a third kid.
I dunno. I am Learning a lot about patience these days. The talk was good, we shard feelings and concerns. I stood my ground that I do not want a D.
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
