I wished that I found this website before I confronted my marriage crisis. This is my story and I really appreciate any comment or advices in advance.
My story: Me 38 W 32 step D(12)/step S(10) from her previous marriage S(5) M 6, T7 Bomb 5/2008(NILWY) EA 5/2008 ended EA 6/15/2008 Will get separted 7/5/2008
I thought that our marriage was great and I didn't realize how much my wife had been hurting by my not showing affection enough. I thought I was showing enough but it was not enough for her.
She started traveling nurse in 5/2008 and at that point I realized how much I was missing my wife. When she came back after 3-4 days, I tried to hug and kiss but she was very cold not like before. Since we aruged about her showing no affection to me and found out that she's no longer in love with me. She had been such a loving my wife for whole our marriage and it hit me so hard. I was totally lost.
She kept telling me that she was leaving for another state, staying while working. Basically she wants to live separately. I begged and begged not to leave, I'll change, make you happy all crap I shouldn't do for a month. I really wish that I had found this website at that time. I asked what she wanted with our relationship and she said that she didn't want to get divorce but wanted to live on her own with kids. She said she didn't want to get hurt by not loved by me. Sad thing Is that I LOVE HER TO THE DEATH!!!. However, she believed that I didn't love her. sigh
She had 9 days vacation with her sister and when she came back, she wanted to get divorce and I was totally in despair. I begged and begged and we settled to try to give 6 months trial. That night she said she had been having EA for a month. She said that his compliments made her feel good but their realationship is not more that that yet. I asked her to stop EA right away but she refused at that night.
Next day, of course barely any sleep and all thoughts, I felt that if she wasn't willing to put her whole to fix our marriage then it wouldn't work so I told her that I let her go and let her do whatever she wanted. even divorce! Funny thing is that point she wanted me to sit beside her and talk more about our future in posivite way. At the end, we decided that she'll stay in other state and work with kids and I'll finish my Master degree in here, which will take around 1 and half year. And she said she'll end EA right away. The place she wanted to go is b/c they pay much better and nice place to live. She wanted to live that place for a few years.
I found this webiste in 6/19/2008 and read and read and read. Sometimes they gave hope and other times despair by realing case by case. I haven't bought books but I'll in one week.
My wife and kids are leaving in 7/5/2008. We barely have physical contect b/c she's so reluctant and cold. We still sleep on same bed and no hug or anything. We chit chat all the time. After I read this forum, I'm trying to avoid R talk and ILY. She doesn't feel that I love her no matter what I do. Reality is that I DO love her! damnit! She think I'm just scared being alone. I admit that I'm sared to the death losing her, yes. BUT I love her!
Anyway, I'm lost with what I need to do and how to keep improve our R while separated for this long. I can visit them Christmas break but that's it.
Please give me some guide and enlightment and hope please!!!!
