This is turning into a GREAT discussion - thanks everyone! Now since ALL is willing to share the wine, we could have a party...
Good points about the kids. I can see how some would sabotage things...and honestly, I can say that my D12 might do this, given the chance. She is most jealous of time I spend away from home because she and I have grown extremely close. She was a daddy's girl...and then daddy was gone, so she became more dependent on me. Or maybe some of that is just the difference between boys and girls - she and I are growing closer as she gets older, where with the boys it is the opposite. They need to pull away as they become men - I just wish they had an example of what a good man is/does. Both grandfather's have died, and the uncles are not close by. It makes it hard, when XH is not a constant or a great example for them.
I spent my time with BF mostly away from my kids. That was my choice. I had him over to the house a few times for dinner, and he stopped by about twice to help me with a few things I was doing outside. He definately was not there on a regular basis - I was not ready to integrate him into my family, and I made that clear. I met his boys, and ran into them sometimes, but never expected to be invited into their family time. Everyone seemed to get along fine, but it wasn't yet the time to see how the two families "mix".
I think I have made my feelings clear to BF. I hope so. I have tried not to send wrong signals, and when I was feeling stressed from too much time away from home, I let him know...it's not like I just suddenly stopped seeing him. A lot of this came about because he has felt neglected if I don't text him several times throughout the day, or find a chance to meet for coffee nearly every afternoon, or whatever. I would say I was going to work out, and he would pout because that was time I could be spending with him! When we are in public, I am very conscious about PDA - I am fine with holding hands, but much more than that and I am uncomfortable. I live in a small town, and I see students everywhere. They know I am single - I don't think they need to see their teacher wrapped around some guy! To me, its not the right thing to do. But BF doesn't understand that. We still talk every day on the phone (until recently) and had seen each other at least twice a week - but that isn't enough for him and I don't have any more to give!
Al - good to hear from you!!! Yes, BF did move very quickly into marriage #2, and it lasted only three years. He had been in a long term R after wife #1, and was engaged to wife #2 within a few months of meeting her. (I'm not sure how much time between relationships) He will say it was a huge lapse in judgement - but when I point out that we can't move too quickly and it has only been 6 months, he will say that "this feels different". That was a flag for me...I'm sure he thought XW2 felt right at the time also.
I agree that sometimes a R just isn't right...and the past few weeks have given me that feeling more than once. I just don't like the way BF is responding to this, and I'm not sure this is something I have the patience to spin my wheels on. I would be fine being alone again.
I have thought about a few of the things you mentioned, Al. I could go either way with marrying again. I wouldn't consider living with someone, especially with my kids living at home. I am beginning to see the wisdom of waiting to get kids through HS before really changing my lifestyle. Some of this, I have the advantage of watching how XH handled things and seeing how our kids responded. They lost a LOT of respect for him when he moved OW in so quickly. They don't respect their dad much when it comes to some of the poor choices he made...and I would bet that someday, he will say it wasn't worth it. So I learn from his mistakes, to an extent.
TC - I went back to college and finished my teaching degree when I got divorced. I got the degree last year (on my 40th birthday - yes my name should now read VJ41! But I just haven't changed it yet...) I spent a year working in the middle school as an AmeriCorp teacher and loved it, although it is very low paying. I enjoyed the middle school kids, and I did enjoy the older elem. grades more than the younger. I've never taught high school...but I think it would be a challenge. The kids are really becoming responsible at that age...some of them, at least. I am trying to get a teaching job, but they are hard to come by in my area, and very competitive. I have no doubts I can teach, but it's getting through the dang interview process that is challenging me! I also have a degree in business from many years ago, and I have sent a few applications out for jobs in that field. Although my heart is with teaching, I need to pay the bills and my alimony is nearly done...so we will see.
Thanks everyone...feel free to keep the conversation going!
