Hey cara mia ol' pal. I stumbled unto this discussion the other day. Haven't been on in awhile and just sort of randomly stopped by. I have been trying to add my 2 cents worth, but I can't keep up. Who would've thunk that would ever happen?
Anyway, here it goes. Bethie made some good points, as always. Most especially the fact that some people do not do well alone. Sounds to me like BF is one of those. Personally, I think everyone needs to take enough time alone, post D to be happy as themselves before diving into a new serious relationship, but many people are not about to do that. They see "with someone" as the natural state of affairs and when they are not, they move quickly to rectify the situation. On no evidence whatsoever, my gut tells me BF jumped into marriage number 2 by that process and it fell apart.
Also, I really do believe that as much as we like a rational explanation, sometimes we need to decide a relationship doesn't suit us and that's that. I'm speaking of before marriage of course. I can't see going to the next level with someone when I have nagging doubts. "I am not sure this right, I think I'll marry them and find out." Huh?
But, invoking Bethie again, I really do think we should prepare ourselves for stages in relationships. As she pointed out, these things come up. It may help to have some preliminary plans before hand. I intend to marry again, or not, or I don't know. I would consider living together, or not. I think I'd like to get kid X, Y or Z to point A, B or C (HS graduation, prom, college, whatever) before I decide to seriously change my lifestyle. Discalimer: I myselfy haven't considered a d@mn one of these things, but it looks good on paper.
But anyway, you have already gotten to the right place. Tell him what your position is and leave it to him to decide what he wants to do about it.
Discalimer #2: Number of dates, real or imagined, that BigAl has had post -divorce: 0
