I asked H if we could shelve the R talk until we meet with Michele.. and after that I will hire my L. He said that was fine. He is tired of talking too... Now what... what is normal? Do I DB-GAL and?????
Me - 38 H-36 DD - 15 S- 19 Together -almost 18 years M - 16 The Bomb - May 24th 2008 Meeting with Michelle July 7, 2008 Status - I moved out Sept 2009
Take care of yourself. GAL, DB, whatever works for you. Don't obsess about what may or may not happen. Whatever you do in the next week and a half, do it for you, and your D (and S), with no expectations on how H will act or react.
Don't let yourself get roped into R talks when they come up. Gracefully change the subject. As far as the R goes, be still.
IMHO, start with yourself. Think back to what first attracted H to you? What things did you do, say? Start doing some 180's things that you feel need changed that will make H notice you again. It's time to do work, DBing is about changes to make you a better you. Make you be the best you that you can be for yourself & if in the end it works to help repair your marriage than it's a 2 for 1 deal. It can be a bit confusing, to go against what we would normally do ie. cry, chase, beg, etc. you probably did this as we all pretty much did but in the long run all that did was push H further away, so try and act 'as if', be as upbeat around H, save the anger tears and sadness till you are alone, all it does is feed the justification of the WAS
Thank you Brian... Just what the Dr. Ordered.. a set back yes... but back to "as-if".... As if between my dedicated DBing and our meeting with Michele... things will work out as God planned...
Me - 38 H-36 DD - 15 S- 19 Together -almost 18 years M - 16 The Bomb - May 24th 2008 Meeting with Michelle July 7, 2008 Status - I moved out Sept 2009
Yes GAL it's very important in feeding your own PMA. Physical exercise even it's just a walk around the block or a bike ride, going out with friends or with D, these things are all about clearing your mind so that 1. you grow as a person 2. can 'act' on your own accord instead of 'react' to a baited sitch GAL is such an important tool to all of this. Remember, they can control whats going on to a point, but you have the ability to control yourself, nobody can take that from you.
If you get frustrated or angry, come on here and vent this is your sancturary, a place to be you with no preconceived judgements. Try and keep in mind the 48hr rule also, basically that means don't respond with emotion give yourself time to think before you say or do something that will put you into a backslide, again come on here, there is somebody that will help.
One day at a time... Picked up my paperwork from his L.. Hired my own L... Very depressing.. got upset... did all the wrong things again, but on an up note I think H knows how much I am hurting now... Funny how he thinks this wouldn't affect me this way... Thought I would just say ok.... I told him he needed to leave the house, its just too difficult to see him everyday.. IL him... He didn't care for that too much... Now is wanting to talk... lots of " I am sorry I hurt you, I don't want to.. Please can we talk.." Sticking to my guns.. no talking about R. Went out to GAL and stayed with my sister in the city overnight... When I got home in the morning he was there to open the door... How ironic... So he wants to wait until we get back from Boulder to talk about R or D more precisely.. He is really being nice now... Did a BUNCH of laundry while I was gone over night... Then wanted to help me with cooking cleaning etc.. even sat down to watch a movie together... I am having a hard time understanding all this... I am just holding out until we talk with Michele.
Me - 38 H-36 DD - 15 S- 19 Together -almost 18 years M - 16 The Bomb - May 24th 2008 Meeting with Michelle July 7, 2008 Status - I moved out Sept 2009
One day at a time... Picked up my paperwork from his L.. Hired my own L... Very depressing.. got upset... did all the wrong things again, but on an up note I think H knows how much I am hurting now... Funny how he thinks this wouldn't affect me this way... Thought I would just say ok.... I told him he needed to leave the house, its just too difficult to see him everyday.. IL him... He didn't care for that too much... Now is wanting to talk... lots of " I am sorry I hurt you, I don't want to.. Please can we talk.." Sticking to my guns.. no talking about R. Went out to GAL and stayed with my sister in the city overnight... When I got home in the morning he was there to open the door... How ironic... So he wants to wait until we get back from Boulder to talk about R or D more precisely.. He is really being nice now... Did a BUNCH of laundry while I was gone over night... Then wanted to help me with cooking cleaning etc.. even sat down to watch a movie together... I am having a hard time understanding all this... I am just holding out until we talk with Michele.
Me - 38 H-36 DD - 15 S- 19 Together -almost 18 years M - 16 The Bomb - May 24th 2008 Meeting with Michelle July 7, 2008 Status - I moved out Sept 2009
