Trouble DB'ng Again..How Do I Forget?

[water2moon]

I posted this on another forum and it was suggested that I post on here..this is after all where i posted from the beginning so why not..



I have now read DR about 8 times, yet I can't seem to follow the techniques.If I don't stop sabotoging my marriage I may as well file divorce papers right now because H is fed up and is tired of my words promising I will stop throwing it in his face.To fill you in briefly. H had an affair with a co-worker since October of 07. He admitted it in January and lied over and over telling me it was done. On April 25th she crossed the line and started texting my kids nude photos of my H. Police were called, decided not to press charges. After that i knew it was REALLY over.He had tried to leave her many times but she chased him again and again. This time she knew she did wrong and stayed away. So I should be happy right?? H stareted buying things for the house, new furniture, big screen Tv, became so nice and afectionate and we made love a couple of times. But every 2 or 3 days I would start bringing up the affair, asking him questions, sending him things to read online, cursing at him via text message etc..Then I would apologize and say it wouldn't happen again and that I wanted to move on..We would get to a happy place and I took 20 steps backwards..The entire time I just wanted so badly to hear three little words "I love you" and perhaps for him to show some remorse for his actions. But I felt as though he just wanted everything swept under the rug.The day before our anniversary we had another fight so he gave me nothing not even a card..I kept feeling as though deep down he still loved the OW and was just staying here out of obligation and for financial reasons.This is the reason why I think I keep bringing it up..I keep remembering teh texts the OW sent to me that he sent to her telling her how she was the most beautiful thing he ever saw.. and how he never loved anyone in his life the way he loved her..these things are slowly killing me..I know
I need to GAL..and I have been trying, went back to school, looking for a new job etc. But every couple of days or so I lose it again..H is ready to give up on our marriage and we've discussed divorce. I don't want to lose him but I'm so afraid that we'll never be ok again. I plan to see a C again and see if he can teach me the tools to help manage my anger issues.So I am asking anyone who has gone through a similar sitch. how did you forget the affair? Or at least manage to control your anger? I guess my ego is playing a big part here and it hurts to believe he loved somone more than me..I don't know what to do..