ms ladybug SQUISHED (2)

[Dom R]

So what do you suggest? I can't be what I'm not.

PFFFT. that's a cop-out.
(huh.. 'cop'.. aheh.. anyways...)

You currently have "a set of behaviours and values".
And, and all, of them, can be changed by you. It's a matter of deciding what is important to you, and how important it is.

I personally think that the most important thing for you to think about is:
What do you want to be like?

Do you want to be "an island"? A self-standing rock, in the middle of the ocean?
Or do you want to be part of a life-long partnership?

You cannot have/be both. So, decide which is more important to you.
If you take two rocks, and stick them next to each other, you get... two rocks, that happen to be next to each other. Proximally 'close', but in no way sharing.

If you want something more... you have to be something more than "a rock".

catfan suggested "humility". you seem to have rebelled at that word.
Lets look at what it means, particularly in the sense of a marriage?
(he was talking about other things too, but I think that 'humility' can cover the other things as well....)

"humility", to me, means things like recognizing the following:

• I am not a perfect person
• It does not always have to be "my way"
• It does not hurt me, to allow my spouse to do something "their way"
• It does not hurt me, to sometimes do things "their way"
• My spouse's feelings are just as important as mine
• It does not make me "less of a person", to allow someone else to do something for me
• Doing everything myself, does not make me "more of a person", or "more valuable", either. (it actually makes you a bigger pain in the butt, aka "not a team player", fyi)
• Showing a weakness, or a need, to my spouse, does not make me a "weak person". No-one is perfect; i recognize this, so it's ok.

Does recognizing, and accepting things like the above, change you into "something you are not"?
If it is "not something you are now"... the question is, which "you" would you LIKE to be? And which "you" do you think will have a happier marriage?

if you push away the above things as "something you are not"... it wont just ruin your current marriage...
It will also ruin just about any FUTURE marriage you might have.

Part of humility, is also recognizing: "being in a true partnership, means that I must give up some things as 'an individual' in favor of 'the relationship'".
Being in a true loving relationship, means CHANGE, in BOTH people, from each person standing alone. Otherwise, there is no relationship.
There are just two rocks standing next to each other.
rocks dont change.
they also dont love.