I think it's interesting how many people base their advice on thier own experiences rather than carefully reading the words of the introductory posts, asking questions, and then tailoring the advice accordingly.
Why would he "want" to be advised to do what he feared the most?
And why, pray tell, would he "want" to hear that he should do what is uncomfortable, namely face issues within himself, rather than keep doing more of the same thing that caused the last "relapse" in the relationship they'd worked so hard to build in MC?
This is a couple who have never cheated on each other. I know, I know, I can hear what some of you are thinking: "That he KNOWS about." Guys. You're hurting. I've been there. But ya gotta believe not everyone, given the opportunity, cheats! Come on. I know there are great techniques and advice givers for those that want transparency and boundries in sitches where a spouse that has cheated wants to help you heal-- and in some circumstances is the only way to begin. But that's for YOU. If you had the chance to make sure your spouse never felt like that in the first place, wouldn't that be the best way to go? Lots of us have/had jobs that put us in much more "red flag waving" situations, PawPaw included (I too was in a band), and didn't cheat on our spouses.
When you are afraid (jealous/insecure) it is VERY hard to admit. What is hard is learning no one, ever, can "affair proof" a marriage by taking away your spouse's joy and that an affair is the symptom of something else that is really wrong.
It is harder still to let go of any control until you realize we never had any control (and don't want it) over a spouse's actions in the first place. What is a promise good for if no one believes in them anymore?
