Help! New to this...still hoping for R

[Tink]

He ended up looking for me throughout the night and even found me at one point and said he was looking for me, there had been several songs he wanted to dance with me to and he couldn't find me. We did dance twice and he then wanted to have a conversation to find out what had changed so much for me in the past couple of weeks. That I seemed happy and content, that I must have someone new in my life, etc. I never gave him a straight answer, just told him I had come to peace with it all and wanted to be friends. Was tired of the animosity and fighting and really just wanted to exist in a friendly way with him. It was very late, so I said I needed to go up to my room and get some sleep, so I ended the conversation.

!!! That is so WONDERFUL! You rock!

As far as the "gay" talk, really don't worry about it. I don't get that about him at all.

Tink

[Rusty]

Tink - I just had time to read some of the SW book. How do I ever get past all the mistakes I have made??? I can't believe how that book was written for me. I emasculated him daily and I have to believe that there is way too much damage to ever come back from. I thank you so much for bringing the book to my attention - have alot more to read, but I guess, if nothing else, it will help me down the road. I can see I do the control thing with everyone, or almost everyone. I am definitely passing it on to my new DIL. Her Dad made the most amazing toast at the wedding and here is what he said "Women just want to be loved and Men just want to be respected". How appropriate. I did apologize to my H after the toast when we were talking and told him that I know that I never respected him the way he deserved and I was very sorry about that. He did tear up at that point and I told him he didn't have to respond, that I just wanted him to know.
Now I am kind of in the going dark part again, laying low and answering when he calls, not too available, just kid talk. We shall see - but the book will really teach me alot!

[Tink]

Tink - I just had time to read some of the SW book. How do I ever get past all the mistakes I have made???

That's the beauty of it, you can start now with a completely different dynamic and completely change the R forever.

I emasculated him daily and I have to believe that there is way too much damage to ever come back from.

Oh he will. This guy really loves you. Once you put SW into effect and allow him to be with you, everything will fall back into place. I can't sign any guarantees but this is what I feel.

I thank you so much for bringing the book to my attention.

You are so welcome.

I did apologize to my H after the toast when we were talking and told him that I know that I never respected him the way he deserved and I was very sorry about that.

I bet you don't even realize how much repair you just did by doing that.

Now I am kind of in the going dark part again, laying low and answering when he calls, not too available, just kid talk. We shall see - but the book will really teach me alot!

No there's no need to go dark. Don't pursue him, stay detached to the results, but when he comes to you be available and warm and kind and loving in your eyes and voice.

Tink

[MP53]

Sounds like a perfect day, Rusty. I've been waiting to hear from you about the weddding. I checked out the pictures and they are a very happy looking couple indeed.

And you look so great, dancing with your son. Brought tears to my eyes.

I think it's wonderful that your H kept trying to find you. Heh. That's what happens when the pursuer starts distancing...

Now...on to GAL!!!

You've mentioned horses before, what kind do you have? I used to ride quite a bit (western and bareback) but never owned a horse, only ponies when I was younger. I love them though. I think they are one of the most wonderful animals on this earth. I taught horseback riding (very elementary stuff) at girl scout camp and had a palamino that summer. I was in heaven!!

[Rusty]

MP - I have four horses, Paints and Quarter Horses. I have two - three year olds that I birthed! One is a cutting horse, that really belongs to my 18 year old son and the other is a gorgeous buckskin, who is 17 hands tall and really wants to be a hunter/jumper. The other two are Paint mares - one is an awesome cutting horse, but she is injured right now and the other is her 1/2 sister, who has no real skills. Actually, all of them were babies that I bred now that I think about it. I'd have you over to ride them with me if you were closer. That is one of the problems, I have no one to really ride with and thus I don't do it as often as I should.
The wedding was about as picture perfect as any wedding can get. Her parents have alot of money and they really put on a fairy tale event for her. And she is worth it. They seem so incredibly well suited to each other, I think they are really soul mates, but, as we all know, time will tell. TINK - I am sending her the Surrendered Wife as soon as they get back from their honeymoon. I think she will like it as much as I do.
I am taking your advice Tink about not pursuing and not going dark. We shall see.

[Tink]

Hi Rusty,

That's it, girl. Just keep the big picture in mind.

Tink

[MP53]

Rusty, I've always loved the Paint horses. My sister had a quarter horse for about 10 years...loved that horse too. I wish I could go riding with you. The kids got me some riding sessions for my 50th birthday, which was so cool. But I couldn't keep the lessons up at the time. Too busy, so I just finished my sessions. Would love to go back someday.

Do you do ever ride the cutting horse yourself? Or are you more into the jumping?

[Rusty]

I love the cutting - it is so much fun! I have done very limited amounts - It is soo expensive! I have done turn-back for some cutters, which is a hoot. I don't jump at all right now -when I was younger. Now I have the "I'm afraid I might break a hip" syndrome - so my fear of flying on a horse is bigger than it used to be. You need to find the time to ride - it can be so freeing and such a physical relief. If you ever get the chance - ride a cutter - but be very in tune with the horse - they move so freely and it is such a rush!

[Rusty]

Okay - I don't know if I blew it or not, but it was fun! Last night I had a few cocktails with a friend and texted my H. I told him I was home alone and would leave the door unlocked if he wanted to come by. He texted me early this morning and asked if he had missed the chance and I said no - I was still waiting. He texted that he wondered what it would start if he came over and I said I just wanted to have fun - no big deal. With a little dirty talk, He of course came over and we had great sex! Told him not to worry - I didn't want anything more than that, and that is true. We said goodbye and now I am just going to wait and see what happens from here. Maybe nothing, but he agreed that he missed being with me and we could do this again if I wanted. I said up to him, but I was always willing.
We shall see - I don't care if it was a mistake - I really wanted it!!!

[Rusty]

Anyone - any thoughts - have you all gone AWOL!! Or just me?