Well - 3 Days w/o W and kids ended last night. W came home angry and nasty. She is furious again about everything. I am really not the cause of any of it. She is upset that I sought guidance from our Pastor on the D negotiations. The Pastor already knew about the D (we went to him for couseling early on and she said that he was an idiot) and he has helped me focus at times. I now realize that she wants the D, the A and no one to know. She wants to have everything be the same at church and with friends even though she left her husband and family for OM. The logic is amazing.
She can be mad. I don't care. She will be mad about something anyway.
Update: Yesterday my W broke down several times, yelling, crying, screaming about everything. She finally admitted to the A (actually used it as a weapon) and really tried to obtain sympathy for her situation in that she is in love and can't be with the OM and will be broke after the D. She really wants me to support her and the OM post D. She wanted to to be concerned that the OM may dump her because of the financial sitaution. We finally came to terms today. If she signs it then the D will be done by mid August. I would drag this out to go thru mediation and or litigation but why? She is not going anywhere but to the OM. If and when she gets over him then we can look at this again. I am ok with it all. I got everything that I wanted in the D.
Eagle, you sound so strong eventhough your D may be final in a couple of months. Your W is still very much in a fog. I don't know that she is "in love" with OM but rather in the midst of the euphoric phase of the A but why wouldn't she be - he sounds like the answer to every woman's dream:
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Ex HS Boyfriend that is 8 years older, twice divorced (2nd in Dec)and unemployed.
Sorry about the sarcasm above but it never ceases to amaze me how in sitch upon sitch, the WAS is so willing to throw away a M/family for someone obviously dysfunctional. Eagle, you will get through this!!! I am glad you are getting what you want in the D.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
We have a D deal verbally. It is being written up for signatures. My W is in love with the OM. A real catch. I think that she was desperate four something to validate her and took the first thing that she could. BTW it appears that he also has an chronic STD. I am really glad that I listened to my Atty and stayed away from her during the S. She finally admitted the A and is in a big hurry for the D. She is worried that he may be breaking it off because of the time issue.
She asked me last night if I would mow the grass at her new place, help her out money wise if she got behind and take the kids more than the custody arrangement (50/50) if needed when the D is over. She said that she is afraid of losing me and that she needs to know that I will "take care of her" post D. The answers are no,no,no, you lost me and no. I did not say that last night. I just listened and nodded and acted really tired. She really thinks that I will be doing all of this after the D. The logic must get totally flushed when they Walk Away.
The OM just keeps looking better and better. You're right "What a catch".
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She asked me last night if I would mow the grass at her new place, help her out money wise if she got behind and take the kids more than the custody arrangement (50/50) if needed when the D is over. She said that she is afraid of losing me and that she needs to know that I will "take care of her" post D.
The nerve!!! Other than taking the kids more often if that is what YOU want, there is nothing wrong with setting her straight on the other issues and telling her in a very calm manner that you will NOT be doing those things for her. Setting boundaries for yourself IS part of DBing.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Holy Crap Eagle. I just read all this. This is beyond insane. I appreciate you posting on my thread but I'll tell ya..my wife's spew is pale in comparision to yours. She is freaking crazy and I can see why you're done.
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She asked me last night if I would mow the grass at her new place, help her out money wise if she got behind and take the kids more than the custody arrangement (50/50) if needed when the D is over. She said that she is afraid of losing me and that she needs to know that I will "take care of her" post D. The answers are no,no,no, you lost me and no
Wow this woman has a big "set" on her to even attempt to ask these things.. She's even willing to lose time with the kids. WOW.
I'll keep watch over here. I don't know that I can help but looks like I can learn. Sorry I did not find it you earlier.
I recommend you just stay serene. Tell her you thought about what she asked and that its a no-go. This is a D you didn't ask for and didn't want and you are not going to help her post-D. Nothing personal, but my self-esteem won't let me do any of those things (except take more time with the kids, of course.)
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I need her to sign the agreement, then I will say NONONONONONONO and No. Actually, I will just not respond. Unless it is the kid time thing. In the settlement, I paid more support that I had to to get more custody. Essentially, I bought custody time. If I could afford it, then I could have gotten sole custody. That alone should tell you where her head is at.
I will set boundaries as soon I have the document signed. The reality is slowing creeping into her head about the fact that I will not be her slave post D. She will go bananas when I start dating. She really believed that I will sit and pine for her forever. She has mentioned that we may get back together in a few years after she has the "time and space" she needs to explore. I have learned thru DBing and Couseling that I do not want her anymore. It is not really in the book but I started to imagine life without her and it was great!!!! I detached too far I guess.
This is embarrassing but during our S she was flirting with me like crazy the first few months. I would not touch her. She would get mad and say that "she was not good enough for me" and I was not attracted to her. I said no, you are divorcing me and it is not sane to ML whilst this is going on. With the OM STD news, I am damn glad I stayed "pure". No way do I want to be swimming in that pool.
Mike, at one point, she wanted to have the OM move in and we could all live together as a big happy family with me paying the bills. She didn't tell me this but she did tell her friends about the idea.
She mentioned the "I just don't want to lose you" thing last night again. I said that she didn't lose me. She threw me away.
