yes mine dates it back to the day we stepped off the airpalne after our honeymoon. it's funny though, I have cards and poems and notes that date back to just before Sept. 07 that say I'm the greatest man "ever".
Mike, if I could only tell you the number of times history gets rewritten. The number of cards I have read, and the number of times I was told it was always bad.
The thing is it is justification for them, not reality.
My STBX and I made love 2 days before she left me. We went away for a romatic weekend 2 weeks before she left me. My Fathers day card in June (Bomb in august) spoke of what a great dad I am, how she knows as long as she has me everthing will be ok.
Do not try and make sense out of it. It will only frustrate you and you will never see it as logical. A used car salesman never ever talks about the miles on the car, he never ever discusses the cigarette burn on the seat, and he never ever tells you how much life the car truly has left in it. If they did, would you really buy it?
It's a picture that they, as the artist, must paint to look the way they want it to look. The picture is sunny and bright for them. There are no rain clouds, no burnt grass, and no one is hurt in their picture. That is how they view their life picture. You and I look at it and we see sadness, hurt, pain, and bad decisions. Two people, one picture, very different views.
Quote:
Yes me too, I'm taking her space and sucking all the Oxygen out of the room.
She is not mad you are still breathing, quite the contrary. She is upset because she sees your breathing is slowed, hampered, labored. She knows that she is the cause of your lack of oxygen and feels nothing but guilt over it.
We get so wrapped up in all the crazy things they do that we forget that deep down inside they are still the people taht we married. They still have a conscience, they still have a heart, and they still love you. These three things can be a real bitch for them to function with considering the decisions they are making.
That is what is meant by lovingly detaching. Accepting and acknowledging that inside the shell is still the woman that has your heart. Once you are able to really grasp that, you will function much better. If you are lucky, one day the shell will crack and that person who made you feel so good about yourself, will come back.
Ian
(hi-jack)
Ian, I don't think anybody could have explained this whole WAS syndrom more clearly, then the way you just did. Mike and others have explained it and I understood it, but the clarity you have used is an eye opener.
