Officially Here Now

[7 Year Itch]

Well I lined up a couple of friends to come over Sunday night (my first night with the girls gone to where he is staying). So at least that should help. I'm going to cook us a yummy dinner and eat out on the new stained patio, have some wine etc......

One of my friends that is coming has been in a loveless marriage (basically only together for their kids) for almost 5 years now. She says in some ways she's jealous of my situation because if this happens I get to move on. They are both just stuck (mentally) and she is scared of being on her own financially since she's been a SAHM for a lot of years, no college degree etc.

Honestly, I wish my H would just sit like that for awhile. Not that I'd want to live like that for years and years, but I feel like at least if we were in the same house still, and we could settle into a "routine" a bit instead of everything being so emotionally heigtened all the time, that maybe we could just start to relax, have fun experiences and find our way back to each other.

Who knows. I suppose either situation is pretty sucky. It has helped talking to her though. EVERY friend I have is married, so it's been really hard to find anyone that can identify with me besides her, and you all on here of course.

Well, tonight H will come out again. Going to try for another night of no R talk. Hoping I can do it. Depending on his "mood" I may try to initiate some physical contact. I had some wine with dinner last night and when he called to say good night to the girls I made a joke and said...

"It's a good think you aren't here tonight, I had wine with dinner and I'd probably be jumping you right now".

He totally laughed so that was cool.

Then I said."Ha, you laugh now. You better be careful when you come over tomorrow". HE laughed again.

So we'll see. He is always sure to tell me nothing changes, but I feel like I need to keep some connection with him, and physical is a good one I think, especially since it was one of our issues.

I've been staining all our decks, and then this weekened painted our bedroom, and on Monday painted our livingroom. I have this burst of energy to like makeover the house. I guess either way it'll be good. Either it will look great for all of us, me and the girls, or be more ready if we have to sell. Sucks to think of that last option. But I realized I feel like I did when I was pregnant with both the girls. I'm NESTING. But for him this time. I feel like I'm trying to get everything in order so that when "he arrives" I can just sit and focus on him, and all the have tos will be in place.

Pretty sad eh?

Oh, and yes, we are both Chris and Chris.

Chris