My H finally decided to recommit himself to our M. We are going to be reunited in two months, H is coming over to help me pack up(see above) and then it will be the time for us to ride off into sunset.
I should be happy (which I am!) and lighthearted (which I'm not) and I feel really ashamed of myself when I think of all the LBS on the Newcomers hoping to be reunited with their WAS, but...
I am having doubts!
I spent the last three days brooding over the last two years - that's how long I've been on the rollercoaster; well, nearly two years - recalling all the yo-yoing and all his ILYs and then returning back to OW.
My major problem is OW. She is still lurking somewhere in the back ground, hoping to get my H back. From what I've heard about her she has an integrity of a spider, waiting to ensnare the prey, all sharp fangs and sticky silk. No pangs of conscience there. Has a cleverness of a spider too. My H, however, keeps seeing her as a lonely and vulnerable soul and feels guilty and miserable, even though he had a moment of clarity when he started feeling that he has been manipulated by her. A very short moment.
My other problem is NO SEX. Even though H is hugging me, telling me ILY, there is no ML and he obviously has no sexual desire for me. While turning me down, he keeps telling me how beautiful I am and how he never stopped loving me. He was always the one to initiate sex and I was - alas!- a typical LD wife. It changed about 10 yeras ago and I thought (and my H said so) that our sex life was great. Now it turns out it wasn't so great after all and our roles are reversed. He told me once (when stinking drunk) that OW is the only woman he fwants to make love to. They have mad chemistry and there is nothing he can do about it. He went as far as telling me that he is "under spell"!
Every time I think about their chemistry I just feel beaten.
Anyone else has this problem? Does it go away when MLCer emerges from his tunnel? I'm just hoping this chemistry belongs with the orange sports car, excessive drinking and total madness of MLC and therefore will remain in that dark tunnel.
Right now my H is "on probation" for two months. He is there in our hometown, making last effort to pull himself out of the tunnel, and OW is there too, scheming and plotting, and I'm here abroad, thinking, hoping and waiting.
Would appreciate any input!
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
- recalling all the yo-yoing and all his ILYs and then returning back to OW. 